I recently lost my Dad to bowel cancer 3 and a half months ago now after he battled it for 15 months - he was 55, a strong healthy and wonderful man who was caught by such a cruel disease that we unfortunately did not find until it was too late.
I've come to terms with his illness, how it happened and what happened that meant he couldn't be saved no matter how hard he fought but I cannot, and I'm sure will not, get over the fact that I cannot speak to him and hear his voice. I do sometimes speak to him as if he can hear me but it just isn't the same. I'm sure like most people find here themselves for family and friends, just miss him so much and I just can't see a future where the pain will get any easier, and maybe it won't but I'll learn to cope better.
I'm hopefully graduating my MA this summer to begin a PhD which he was so proud of me for getting into, but it just doesn't feel like much of an achievement without him here to be a part of it. I would do anything for one more conversation and hug with my dad but I know that's not how it works and he would want me to move forwards with my life and carry his spirit with me but I just don't feel as strong as he was fighting cancer with all his strength and more. In his final days his concerns was us as a family and not himself, he wasn't ready to leave us and couldn't accept his fate, he had so much to live for and leaves my mum, sister and I reeling that we lost him far too early with future memories that won't look as they should without him.
I don't have any real questions to ask about the future I just think this is a space where I can write about my dad anonymously and would rather not share these thoughts on social media, a space I know he would have hated to be plastered all over.
I miss you dad so much and I don't ever think I'll stop missing you.
Hello Keano
Thank you so much for sharing you thoughts and feelings here with us, I am so sorry to read that your Dad has passed away after fighting so bravely against bowel cancer.
You are remarkable in so much as you have been able to come to terms with the illness, but I do understand you when you mention struggling with not hearing his voice, not being able to speak to him.
I do feel that for some time, things are quite difficult, this is after all only 3 and a half months, where time without Dad has been passing by, and somehow, in the early days, we can hear and recall conversations we had, we also have other things that take over our thoughts like arranging the farewell and so as the time continues to go by and there are no other "things" the realisation, the sheer depth of our loss becomes the forethought of our minds.
You are right, you will learn to cope better, maybe even differently with time, but you will never forget and you may always feel an underlying pain that nothing can put right. You have more strength than you know, you have acknowledged your feelings, you have shared, which helps with the healing and you have carried on with your MA amidst everything that has been thrown at you in the past months.
I know the pain will continue, but I wanted you to know, that we are always here, always listening and we are wishing you everything your Dad would have wished you for your future.
Good Luck, and when the time comes, I hope you Smash your PhD
Lowe'
Hi Rufus83
I am sorry to read that you too lost your Dad 7 weeks ago, I lost mine almost 5 weeks ago, and like you I speak to him always.
I know my Dad is with me, and I think that you are right to think that your Dad is listening to you.
Take Care.
Lowe'
