Loss of Mam 6 months ago

Hi Gaylie

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.  Unfortunately doctors can only go by the averages for how long someone will have left but there are so many variables that can affect this.  It is understandable that you feel cheated.  However, you can take great comfort for being with your mum for her last days - this would also give her great comfort and made her passing more peaceful knowing how much she was loved by you.

Your mum will always be around you and you need to talk to her wherever and whenever you want.  Open yourself to any signs she may send - finding unexpected white feather, radios / tv retuning - which may happen straightaway or a few days later.  Tell your mum how you feel and how much you miss her and ask her to comfort you as best she can then open yourself to any sense of a peaceful feeling surrounding you. Do you have any true friends you can talk to whenever you need to?  They will always be there to listen and offer the support you need if it is just silently giving you a hug.

Visit one of your mums favourite places and talk to her there and await any response - she may find it easier to respond at this location.  Maybe you could plant some of her favourite flowers in your garden and / or in the local park (with permission) in her remembrance.  Start a memory book about your mum including photos, stories from your childhood and your mums childhood.  Talk to relatives and some of your mums friends for other stories which you may not have heard before.  This is a great way to express your emotions and keep memories for many years to come.

Everything you are going through is perfectly normal and it is best not to fight it.  We all grieve in our own way and at our own pace so nothing is right or wrong.  Your own mind will help you to learn the triggers and create coping methods for these.  The pain will always be there but you will find it easier over time as you learn to cope.  At the moment though, don't bottle up any of your emotions - think how your mum would want you to deal with this.  Write down how you feel regularly including what may have triggered that feeling, even in public like a supermarket you can always nip to the toilet to have a cry rather than hold it in.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.