Hi,
Not sure what to really right as I never thought I'd be losing someone else I love to cancer. I lost my aunt a few years ago which was hard but we knew it was coming so we had time to prepare. As tough as it was it wasn't super quick so we still got to have time with her before we lost her. At the beginning of this year my uncle found out he had a tumor. A few years ago he had one on his pancreas but it was benign and they managed to remove it by removing some of his pancreas. Well the tumor has grown in the same spot and this time it is cancerous. There is nothing they can do.In the space of a couple months I found out that with chemo he has about a year. It's so tough because we are so close and losing my aunt was tough enough. The fact that this has all happened so quickly and there is no way he can fight this makes me feel so helpless. It feels like I am grieving a person who is still here and I feel selfish for doing so. I don't know how I am supposed to handle this situation and I don't want to dump all of this onto my friends but they are the only people I have around me right now and it is hard to maintain the image that I am fine when I am not. Anyone have advise on how to deal with a situation like this cause at the moment I feel lost.
Hi Koalas
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt and now the diagnosis for your uncle.
Do not try to maintain an image because this will only make things much harder for you to cope both now and in the future. True friends will let you express your feelings and be there for you anytime of day or night to listen and offer plenty of hugs. Feeling lost is perfectly normal. Try to spend as much quality time with your uncle as you can. Talk to your aunt and ask her to guide and support you both through this and open yourself to any responses she will send. Start a memory book about your aunt with the help of your uncle and include stories from your childhood, their childhoods and lots of photos. This will help to express your emotions as well as be great for your uncle to try to take his mind off his current situation a little bit.
Anticipatory grief is very hard because you are always expecting the worst to happen but you just don't know when. Have a look at this website for more information which also contains links which will be of help. Searching for anticipatory grief brings up many results and you may want to read some of them to get a general feeling of how to cope. If you enter your postcode on this page you will get a list of support services in your area who you can contact. They could offer telephone, 1-2-1 or group sessions depending on location and current restrictions. You can also call the Macmillan support line on 0808 808 0000, 8:00 am - 8:00pm, 7 days a week to speak to an advisor - all calls are free and confidential. You can also post on this site as much as you want whenever you want and someone will always respond.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
