Heartbroken

Hi Spagh

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the recent loss of your mum.

You can take great comfort from knowing that you were there with your mum constantly and ready to anything and everything you could to help her.  This would also have given her great comfort and would have helped her to pass peacefully.  Talk to your mum as much as you want, even little things like coming in and saying how cold it is outside.  Your mum will always be around you and will always try to support and guide you as best she can.  Visit one of your mums favourite places on your own and talk to her there then quietly await any response - you have to open yourself to be aware of any response which may even happen a few days later.  This could be anything from seeing a white feather when no birds near, the radio re tuning to her favourite music, suddenly find one of your mums things that you hadn't seen for years.  You can also start a memory book containing stories of your childhood, stories from your mums childhood, stories from relatives, stories from your mums friends and lots of photos.  Not only does this help with memories but it is a great way of expressing your emotions.  Do not bottle up any of your emotions - at work or in a supermarket you can always nip to the toilet for a quiet five minutes. 

The guilt you feel for your stepdad is understandable but he knows that you have your own life and that your are only a telephone call away.  Make sure he knows he can call you anytime - even 3:00 a.m. - for a chat, get him involved with the memory book as much as possible and get him to visit one of your mums favourite places.  You need to be strong for each other but also allow yourself to grieve in your own way and at your own pace.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.