My daddy went to soon

Hi Daddysgirl

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.  You can take great comfort from knowing that it was quiet, quick and pain free.  The emotions you are going through are perfectly normal and all part of the grieving process.  Deep down you were hoping for those extra few months which is why it is hitting very hard.  Talk to your dad when ever you want to and tell him how you feel and ask him to help you - he will always be around you and will try to guide and support you as best he can.  Ask him to show you a sign that he is near and listening - this may not happen straight away but say a couple of days later his favourite song may be on the radio which you haven't heard for a very long time.  Open yourself up to allowing him to contact you. Visit one of his favourite places and talk to him there telling him how much you miss him.  Start a memory book about your dad with photos, stories (happy and sad) from your childhood, stories from his childhood, stories from other relatives and your dads friends.  This is a great way to express your emotions and will keep all those memories alive, you may even hear some surprising stories from his friends.  Don't bottle in any of your emotions no matter where or when let yourself feel upset and cry if you need to - ignore people who may stare at you if you are in a public place.  Do you get on well with his wife?  If so arrange to go over to talk about your dad and look through some of his things - do this together with no one else around and express all your emotions as much as you need to and ask your dad to comfort you both.

If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. 

Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

Hi Daddysgirl

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and my heart goes out to you. 11 weeks is very early days and you will still be heavily greiving - losing a parent is literally heart breaking. My father passed away 6 months ago - similar circumstances, unexpected and very quick. Initially I had weeks and weeks of sleepless nights and the most hardest part was actually managing to get myself back to work. 

To be honest the advice DaveyBo has given is the same advice I would give myself. My Dad was just like yours - my absolute world and I adored him but I know that his worst fear would be that I (and my family) can't carry on without him. Everyone is different how they get comfort, but I find talking about him makes me feel better - advice he gave me and keeping photos on my phone and screensaver of good times gives me comfort that he hasn't left. We celebrated his birthday with a nice meal and I'll have my photo of him with us on Christmas Day. Just because someone is gone doesn't mean you have to remove them from your life, you can still enjoy the good times. I've never had a sign from my Dad since he passed away but I certainly tell him often that he is welcome to come back anytime and I know he's there when I need to talk to him.

Take care and I hope you are feeling better soon. 

Thank you for taking the time to share your experience with me I went back to work for the first day today and I’m drained! My job requires concentration and memory both of which seem to have upped and left me! The sleepless nights and nightmares are so hard. I’m wearing my dads scarf every day to try and stay close to him. I think I’m struggling with the long wait to go and visit him at the chapel of rest and for us to hold the funeral. It’s just a week since he passed and life is so hard to carry on. I’m spending as much time as I can with my adult children and they love to talk about memories of him which is lovely. I have tears every night and every morning. I will change my phone screen saver today so I can see him at all times though and I chat away to him through my mind 

Hi Daddygirl. I found that the sleepless nights got better when I went back to work due to having to concentrate more during the day. I hope they get better for you too and well done for being so brave to go back to work. The delay in the funeral will make things worse (I imagine for most people), I found with my Dad I got a lot of comfort visiting him at the chapel of rest so if it is the right thing for you, when you can do that (everyone is different) go and spend some time with him. I went a couple of times and sat talking to him about anything on my mind that I needed to tell him - I found it very calming and felt better for doing it. For me (unfortunately) it did take weeks and weeks to stop crying in the morning and night so you may be the same where it's just part of the grieving process and yes I still do it now but not everyday. 

My heart goes out to you and I hope you can go visit your Dad soon. Take care xx 

Hi,

I'm soo sorry for your loss.

I'm 23 years old and my twin brother has just been given a matter of weeks to live. Words can't explain what me and my family are thinking right now. I completely understand all your feelings. I feel them too. I feel guilty for enjoying small things like a beer or laughing at stuff. I feel helpless and angry. I cant sleep either. Over the last year since his diagnosis its just been bad news after bad news. You sort of get numb to it. But when the final call comes through that its mere weeks. Well you just don't know what to do. I brother is in constant pain and the morphine just wipes him out. I can only hope that my brother passes in the way you father did. With dignity and respect.

It really helped me reading your story.

Thanks

Charlie

Hi Cmoore, I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. I thought I had done all of my grieving whilst my dad was still here....how wrong I was. It’s fine to be angry, I was and still am angry, although I try not to let that cloud my happy memories as that’s what I cherish the most now. We held my dads funeral on Tuesday and it was the hardest day of my life and the tears still haven’t stopped. I think the only advice I can offer is to cherish the time you have left with your brother but take time out for yourself to cry, rant, think. I have also lost a sibling but not through cancer and I was so close to her so I have an understanding of how it feels to lose a sibling. I wish you all the best x 

Hi, So sorry for your loss. What a shock it must have been for you. My dad passed just over 15yrs ago when I was 30 and I was devastated. He had never been sick a day in his life then one day started throwing up and before we knew it he was admitted to hospital and told he had pancreatic cancer and it was also too late for treatment. They said that he had around 5/6 months left and 6 weeks later he was gone. My mum and I where sitting with him. I am so glad I was there but its something that will never leave me. It will take you a long long time to come to terms with it, but everyone deals with grief differently so just take each day as it comes. I'm here anytime you want to talk.

Noreen. 

thank you for that David. they are very useful. i will check them out soon. thank u ever so much for the poem as well. i have had a few signs from my dad that he's near by as every now and again i can smell cigarette smoke and one time i was walking through a shoing centre with my fiance and i could hear my dad's faveourite song playing.