Lost my mum

I'm so sorry you went through this - you could have been writing about my own Mum. Lots of mistakes, lack of responsibility, fighting until the end to get answers, understand what on earth was happening and we had the same with prescriptions for end of life drugs. Just a nightmare and the anger is there alot. Special people deserve dignity and when they don't get it, it's horrendous and heartbreaking. The last part was traumatic and I keep getting the flashbacks also. I know it will get easier but this part is awful, it's been 5 weeks and the lockdown is adding to it massively. Sending you hugs, send me a private message if you like xxx

I’m really sorry you went through, and are still going through this. I really wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I’ve been really wobbly today... was quite numb yesterday but I just can’t stop crying today. I keep wondering if there was something I did or could have done. 
I hope you have someone with you. 
I just know I haven’t got to the grief of her not actually being here any more and that it is going to hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Hi

Im so sorry to hear this. I am going through the same with my mum at the moment. We were told on fri by the hospital that she had hours to go. My sister and I have been her almost 24/7 as we are to scared to leave her. She’s in a room on her own and we don’t see any nurses all day or night they’ve just left her! It’s heartbreaking. She is suffering so much and we have to ask them to keep topping up her pain meds. She’s been let down from the beginning, 3 years ago and her passing is the most traumatic horrendous thing I’ve ever seen. There’s no kindness or support from the staff here apart from the palliative nurse who we saw once and promised us that she would be well looked after. I’m never going to get over the pain and visions of seeing my lovely mum suffering so much . Hope you are ok xxx

Yeah I keep going over whether I could have done things differently but we can't think like that. We did the best we could and weren't given the support or information we needed. You'll be in shock at the moment, I kept just using the word surreal, nothing felt real in the first few weeks after. I'm seeing my Dad and sister but lots of time alone is very hard right now.

Do you have friends you can call? I know it doesn't change how you feel but connection is important xx

I’m really sorry you are going through this. It’s honestly heartbreaking and I was just so shocked at the lack of ‘human’ touch there is in the nhs when it comes to something like this. I couldn’t believe what a fight it was, it’s appalling really and makes me very angry. 
I can’t get those images out of my head at the moment. I’m assured that time will make ever easier, it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. 
sending you lots of love xxx

I know what you mean about nothing feeling real. I feel like I’m in a bit of a dream state. 
it’s so infuriating that we weren’t given that support or care we needed for our mums. They deserved better. 
I have lots of support if I need it. I just can’t talk to people at the moment though. 

Thanks for your reply. I’m still in the hospital  

we are trying to get mum moved to the cancer ward as we can’t cope here much longer. Staff make me so angry, a male nurse came in last night   Moved her hand and said “ooh what lovely cold hands” I mean really!!!! She’s dying and you say that!! We asked Another nurse if mum could have a top up of morphine as she was getting fidgety they told us she was at the max!!!! Ten minutes later another nurse comes in and gives it to her!! It makes me so mad that this is end of life care.... shut in a room with no kindness from staff. 
I don’t think I’m ever going to forget these images either. Sending hugs back to you xxx

Some people really need educating on how to speak to people. Mum’s GP said to me the morning before she passed away... “oh yes that’s fine if she wants to die at home. So many things wrong with her. Contact the hospice they deal with dying at home not me. I can’t come out... Covid bans it.” 
horrible arrogant man. Taking all of that money for doing very little and getting a lot of it wrong! 
I hope you manage to get your mum moved somewhere safe. Is there not a local hospice? In my opinion they are far better. I rang ours in floods of tears the morning mum passed because I didn’t know what to do. They were lovely... and tried really hard to sort things for me. Xxx

It’s shocking!! Let’s hope he’s never in your position! Initially we wanted to bring mum home but when they told us she only had hours we thought it best to leave her as they thought she wouldnt make the trip. I really wish we had in hindsight as us sleeping in a wooden chair is not good. And I know she would have been much better cared for in a hospice. Lots of love xxx

At least you’re with her... she’s not alone. I’m sure She’d rather you were beside her than some faceless nurse. I bet you’re exhausted... I was, and still am. It’s a weird kind of exhaustion when your body is absolutely weary but your mind won’t let you sleep. Make sure you look after yourself and don’t try to do it all alone... it’s a lonely time even with support from family and friends. The biggest hugs x