Don’t want to loose my mum

Hi and welcome to the online community, although I'm very sorry that you've had to find us.

You might like to join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group as it's a safe and supportive place to discuss your worries as well as practical issues around caring for someone with an incurable cancer. If you'd like to join just click on the link I've created and then choose 'click to join' on the page that opens. 

When you have a minute, it would be really useful if you could pop something about your mum's journey so far into your profile as it really helps others when answering or looking for someone with a similar diagnosis. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

Sending a supportive ((hug))

Hi Rhianne, 

I’m a bit older than you (30), but I lost my mum 4 weeks ago, she was just 50 :( 

Her Cancer had also spread all over her body and I watched her deteriorate very quickly and die. I am haunted by the memories and feel so alone.

There’s loads of support out there, so don’t be alone. Do you have good family support? I sadly don’t, but I make sure to reach out to the good people I do know in my life if I’m struggling. I’m still not ready to see people yet but sending a text to someone I trust really helps during the bad days. Not every day is bad but no days have been anywhere near good yet.  I’m here if you ever want to talk.

life is really unfair, look after yourself :(

Hi Rhianne,

Just sending a quick message to say hello and to let you know there is support in whichever group you choose. 
Try not to think too far into the future and stay present with your mum. It’s extremely scary, I remember wandering how or if I would be able to handle the days ahead, but you do and your mum will. 

Use the community for a vent or an escape just to know other people are here, just like you.

Sending lots of positivity to you and your mum.

Jess 

Hi Rhianne,

I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through. 

Thinking about the future and how you will cope with what comes next can feel so scary, but for now its important that you focus on spending as much time as you can with your mum - the rest will come when its time.
When that time does come, just know that there are so many options out there for support & that you are not alone. So many of us have been through / are going through this & we are all here for one another.

I recently lost my mum, just 6 weeks after her diagnosis.
Everybody tells you to take each day as it comes but I wasn't sure how I could get through a whole day. Its more like take each hour at a time.
Remember to lean on whatever support works for you. Whether that's here, phoning the helpline, talking to family & friends, or your Doctor.

Just know that you are not alone, and there is lots of support available whenever you need it.

Try to look after yourself as much as you can

N.G xx

Hi Rhianne, I went through my mum's first cancer at your age, and now 14 year's later she has a completely different cancer which sadly can't be cured this time so I absolutely know how you're feeling. That pure terror, I have moments of feeling normal, then it hits me like being knocked down by a bus or a punch in the stomach knocking the wind out and letting the anxiety roll in. What I would really suggest is finding a good cousellor or therapist - Macmillian can recommend some, Maggie's also have some, and your local NHS will also be able to as well (you can also go private) - there are so many different times of therapies and counselling but if you're getting anxiety and panic then CBT could help, if you really need to just voice your fears and cry on someone counselling or psychotherapy can help. Mindfulness can also be a big help. It is really helpful talking to someone outside of your normal world because you can say all those things you daren't say to family or friends for fear of upsetting them etc. I'm not going to lie, I feel like I won't be able to cope, but I read these forums and it reminds me that so many people have sadly been in the same boat and they have navigated their way through it - changed, but still here, still living and coping with their loss. 

Hi Margot, I am so so sorry to hear about your mums diagnosis. It’s a horrible feeling knowing that one day the one person you love and adore so much isn’t going to be here anymore, that’s the part I’m struggling with the most because for a long time it was just me and her. Some days I’m fine and some days iI don’t want to move from my bed and I can’t face the world. I’ve been so lucky to be able to access a amazing councillor from Macmillan who has given me advice on anxiety and getting through it all, these forums have been great and everyone reaching out to each other is so helpful I think, it makes me feel like im not alone in this. im trying to prepare going through my life without her, my wedding, my first child without her. but as she says to me all the time, we’ve got to get our big girl pants on and get on with it. 

Everyone on here has been amazing and the love and warmth I have felt from everyone is fabulous, even though it’s through a screen.

Keep safe Margot, thank you for reaching out, it’s appreciated more than you’ll ever know. 

Big love to you and your mum. 

Rhianne x 

Hello lovely, I am so sorry to hear about your mums passing, it’s a horrible feeling and i do really hope you’re okay. 

please if you ever need someone to chat to, i am always available to be there, i suppose we’re going through the same thing just at different stages. my family have been great, we’re scattered all over the UK (some in wales, England and the rest scattered all over scotland) so with covid it’s made life harder to see each other and not being allowed into chemo appointments and check ups have made it a lot harder for me.

but please, on a bad day or even a good day i would love to hear how you’re feeling, you’ll never be alone as long as this forum is here, you’ll always have the support from this amazing community. 

keep safe, im sending you the biggest love and warmth just now. 

look after yourself lovely, Rhianne x 

Hello lovely, 

the future is what scares me the most, I can’t help but think about my wedding and how there’s going to be an empty chair at the end of the altar and an empty chair at the top table, and how my first child won’t ever get to meet their grandmother. that scares the hell out me as I cannot imagine my life without her. 

im so sorry to hear about your mums passing and i do really hope you’re okay, please do not ever hesitate to reach out to myself if you ever want to talk to someone who has the slightest of understanding of how you feel. 

i feel covid has ruined so many things for me and my mum, i want to visit her much as i can but it scares me to death knowing that i have it one day and give it to her, that can make her worse than what she is. 

ive been able to access this amazing counsellor through Macmillan and they have been great, I cannot thank everyone on this forum enough for the love and support I’ve felt. 

just like my mum has always said to me, we’ve got to get our big girl pants on and get through it. even though some days we can’t and that’s okay, we’re allowed the bad days. 

look after yourself and please, if you ever want a chat with someone who knows exactly what you’re going through and have went through, i will always reply and be available for a blether. 

keep safe my lovely, Rhianne x

Hi Jess, 

thank you so much for the message, it’s appreciated more than you’ll ever know. The future scares the hell out of me, not knowing what’s going to happen is the worst feeling for me. 

this forum and Macmillan have been great the whole way since her diagnosis in May, it’s all starting to become a reality as now shes starting her treatment. the love and support ive had from everyone on here has been amazing. 

I feel selfish in a way because im only young (19) and i keep thinking why do i have to loose my mum at a young age, why does she have to never know if she’s going to make my wedding or meet my first child, i just keep thinking why is it her. i feel selfish and guilty for thinking that but i can’t help it. 

keep safe my lovely, look after yourself, Rhianne xx