Its only been a few weeks....

I’m so sorry for your loss , no words can help with how you are feeling . Big hug to you 

Thank you....This is how I am feeling.Iam finding it so do difficult I don't think I will ever get over this tbh...I've lost the love of my life ..my soulmate and everyone has lost an amazing friend...I know it's only been about a month but I feel so lost..I don't know who ANDY is..as it's always been Andy & Tanya. .so who I am? ..I feel old useless attractive..hopelessly lost...overwhelmingly confused..so many tears..waking up crying?..can't see a way forward...what's the point of me if I don't cant be with her....

Hi Andy, I am so sad to read what you are going through. 
I lost my mum 4 weeks ago, she was 50. While the grief of losing a life partner I imagine to be totally different to that of a parent, I feel I can really empathise with you on the feelings of being lost and confused. I don’t see the point anymore, life seems so unfair. 
I too struggle greatly with the whole ‘one day at a time’ thing, easier said than done...

This is my first experience with grief and while it’s unimaginable, I need to believe it will get easier. I hope you can somehow believe that too. Don’t be alone, reach out for support. Call a support line if you are in a really dark place. Find a support group. Just please don’t isolate yourself 

Sending a lot of love and hope for the future. Life will never be the same again and you will always hold tight to those memories. 

Thank You so much...and to yourself. Yes iam not to sure some days that i can carry on, but its what my wife wanted for me to live again or at least try and live again without her. Iam finding it so difficult atm, and i know its only been a few weeks and we will both have a series of FIRSTS that people who have suffered the same thing as me but its not making it any easier with all the things people say such as "Stay Strong"....i don't really know what it means?...who iam staying strong for?... its also my first time with grief as i still have both parents but its filling the days. Still doing lots of legal paperwork so that keeps me bit busy. Its the evenings when my mind wonders.....look after yourself, get your friends around you...ours have been amazing...saying that you do suddenly find out who your real friends are, as for the last three years of T's life we have had many people say "I will be there for etc....but some of them i haven't seen at all.....as i said...iam sure it will get easier....also i think you just learn to live with it.....i don't think the grif inside every goes away......

Lots of love and support to you..    

People need to say things like ‘stay strong’ and ‘One day at a time’ mostly because they need to say something and there are no words that can help. They most likely know this, but to say nothing at all just feels wrong. They mean well though. You are so right that you find out who your friends really are, for some people the misery is too much to bear. For others they just don’t know what to say. 

Just now, you’re life will feel incomplete. You and your wife were not separate entities, you were two parts of the same whole. Your heart still carries her though and it will always be you and her that make up your heart and soul.

For now, you don’t have to stay strong. But just keep existing until the time when you can feel strong again. Existing is all I feel like Im doing right now. In the meantime, a journal or blog might help? When I am feeling particularly low, I have a notebook that I write a letter to my mum in. Regrets about the past, regrets about right now, things that are annoying me generally, memories, hopes for the future, things that are haunting me, just whatever I am thinking. A total brain dump. It is about the only thing I find that helps a little, it is a release that cannot be fulfilled by talking to a friend. Because more often than not, I don’t want someone to tell me that what I am thinking isn’t the right thing to think, or that it will get easier, or that my mum would be proud or would want me to be ok or any of that. It’s important to be allowed to feel everything and while our loved ones mean well, it’s too difficult for them to hear a lot of the time. 

Anyways, I am rambling. 

It is good to communicate with someone at an early stage of grief, a different kind of communication.
Thinking of you and hoping you have found even a little peace today, maybe a moment of reflecting on the good times or a little time out from your day for some self care.