flashbacks

Hi , I am so very sorry to hear about your loss of your Dad two years ago to bowel cancer and that it was so quick from diagnosis. 

I think what your feeling is a totally normal grieving process because I think there will be times of an emotional trigger that is here caused by a loss. Because it was so quick in the end you had to be there to support the children but also was most likely more difficult for you because you had to park your thoughts away, to be strong for your children and your husband and not have chance to really say goodbye after trying to process the diagnosis too. Maybe not able to say what you wanted to say either because time was so quick and too much needed to be said too. You suffered two traumas, grief for your husband and feeling the grief from your children who you wanted to support, moving on is difficult but we learn to deal with the thoughts and adapt I suppose but it doesn't feel right but its a coping mechanism we do without really thinking about.

For me I was diagnosed with cancer near two weeks before a very close friend and his was incurable with a terminal diagnosis he did survive longer then your husband and longer then his prognosis but it was difficult to process his lose too, even though its been nearly two years I still feel the pain of his loss I think those we truly care for takes a long time to move on from.

Its totally normal what your going though. I know others who find the firsts the most difficult the first birthday since their death etc I don't think we forget them but maybe over time it gets easier to deal with the lose but moving on from it depends how you deal with the lose, some find it easier to draw a line though it and can move on others it takes time so your totally normal in your process. I think its totally normal to express our lose and expect some understanding of this. When people say you should move on maybe they haven't felt lose, maybe they can adapt more quickly, maybe they believe they should move on, maybe they can show a strong face but deep down inside those emotions are there but they will not face them. I have heard some make memory boxes mostly people do them before death to remember the happy times but a friend of mine did one after her husband's death and got photos from an album and wrote down what the photo was from the good memories of a holiday for example or a joke that was shared, she says it helps her express all her thoughts, she still missing him deeply but also dealing with all her thoughts, her memory too but having a collection of positively that when she's upset she can turn too and pick up a photo or object from the box and remember how he made a planter out of driftwood so the garden could remained them of a special day at the seaside etc. Maybe this could help you, we all deal with lose different so your not doing anything wrong.

Gentle hugs your way