Lost Loved Mum during Covid19

FormerMember over 5 years ago

2 replies
7 subscribers
1446 views

Hello,

I am new in this group and just wanted to share with someone my story.

I've lost my loved Mum a month ago, she had a lung cancer diagnosed in February. 2 years earlier we lost our dad from the same type of cancer ( he died very quickly just a month from diagnosis). Since then my Mum was in very deep depression, she couldn't cope with her life without my dad. I live far from her thus was coming to visit her only every couple of months but we were very close always on a call. She didn't want to live and then I took her to me for a month and that made a huge promising change in her approach to life. Sadly, 4 months later she has found out about the cancer and didn't want to talk openly about this, she has rejected any kind of treatment even I was begging her and then 1 months later we had a Covid-19 and a lockdown. We were in telephone contact all this time and she was assuring me that she was fine and didn't have any worse symptoms. I did want to travel even at that difficult time just to be with her at this hard time and hold her hand but she was rejecting it all time -I didn't understand that but now I do after she left - she wanted to protect me. She died just 2 days after went to hospital - on her own due to CV19 restrictions. I feel now so guilty and lost that I was not able to be with her, that I could have done more to travel - at least she would have known there is someone who could give her emotional support. I can't cope with these thoughts, my personal life is falling apart. I miss her so much...

What can I do to live with that? Did anyone had a similar problem?

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hi Bloeme,

Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry for the loss of mum. It's such a sad time. You're not alone in your experience. My sister in law was in just the same position, she lost her dad to Covid, and could not see him. Now, my aunt has lung cancer and her family cannot see her due to Covid, and like you did your mum, they love her so much and she is very, very ill at this time. It is not their fault, just like it is not yours. Your mum was still thinking of you as you her and nothing changes that or that you both knew that you always loved each other. Grief is so hard even in normal times and guilt is a natural part of grief. You did everything you could and no doubt your mum knew that. I hope you find some peace of mind.

So sorry again, take care x

FormerMember over 5 years ago

Hello

Im sorry to hear about your mum.

Please dont beat yourself up about what you couldnt do.

You are absolutely correct that your mum wanted to protect you. We will always worry if we done the right thing. The covid situation has made n already difficult time so much harder.

I lost my wee mum on 10th May, I was with her but feel pretty much the same as you do.

The day before she passed away she wouldnt even allow me to sit in the room with her, she kept waving me out the door. I had my aunt with me and i said to her "i think she hates me.".

Looking back i know she didnt hate me, I had been to every single appointment with her for the last 12 years and done everything i could for her. I had moved in the last few weeks but she was still trying to send me home! I think maybe our mums were trying to hold onto their own independence for as long as they could. She did tell me a few weeks before that she didnt know what she would do without me yet that day i felt she didnt want me anywhere near her and that does hurt because like you i worry that i could have done things different. I am with you though that the reason they do this is to protect us and we need to keep reminding ourselves of their wishes at their most difficult time.

I miss my mum every single day and i wonder if it ever gets better. If you want a chat im here.

Take care of yourself x

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