Hi, I'm new to this group. My mum passed away 8th May after the metaplastic breast cancer she was treated for with a mastectomy and radiotherapy in October last year suddenly spread. I'm struggling so much to come to terms with how fast things happened, the unfairness of it and her not being here. She was given the all clear in January post radiation and looked and felt fantastic! She was enjoying life and the fact she had got through her treatment so well. On 20th April she became wheezy and was treated with antibiotics and steroids for a chest infection. A week later she felt more unwell after starting a second course of antibiotics and my step dad took her to A&E. She had 4 litres of fluid on her lungs and told it would need draining. After a CT scan they suspected her cancer had returned, a further scan showed she had mets in both lungs, her left breast, adrenal gland and liver. Mum was in hospital alone due to coronavirus, hearing that there was nothing that could be done. She may have weeks, possibly 3 months. Her wish was to come home which she did on home oxygen 2 days later. My step dad, sister and I cared for mum at home, watching her deteriorate each day. I am a community nurse and have never known someone to deteriorate so fast, helplessly watching my mum was totally heart breaking. A week after being told her cancer had returned she died at home. The only solice I can find is she is where she wanted to be, surrounded by the people that loved her. She was 69 and I don't feel, despite what I tell my patients, it was her time. I really can't make sense of any of it. Sorry for the long post 
Hello, I'm also new to this group. I am so sorry for your loss. I know all too well that there are no words to ease your pain. My Dad passed away on 6th April at the age of 61. We found out just before Christmas that he may have cancer after an ultrasound revealed ascites (fluid build-up) in his abdomen. After lots of referrals, x-rays and scans, an MRI, an endoscopy and biopsy of the ascites fluid he was diagnosed with Metastatic adenocarcinoma of unknown primary pf upper GI origin, it probably started in his pancreas. He had one session of chemo towards the end of February but had to be admitted to hospital a few days later because it had injured his kidneys. He spent 2 weeks in hospital and when he came home on 13th March (just before the lockdown) his kidneys were much better. He was desperate to start chemo again but the oncologist cancelled it because of Covid-19 saying that hospital trips were too risky and that if he caught covid-19 he would not be a priority because he had a pre-existing condition. Dad was absolutely devastated. Its almost as if he gave up after that because he died at home less than 2 weeks later. He didn't want to die at home to spare my mum and brother I think, but the Hospice didn't have any room for him (I think it's a blessing really because he would have been all alone and my mum would never have forgiven herself).
I too am struggling so much to come to terms with how fast things happened. I know in my head he is gone but I cannot accept it. I am heartbroken. A part of me went with him that day. I often close my eyes and hope that when I open them again it will all have been just a horrible cruel nightmare. I cannot comprehend how he could deteriorate so quickly. In December he was seemingly fit and healthy, working 12 hour shifts as a hospital porter. I just don’t understand. He was still young and had so much life left to give and to enjoy. He still had a few more years to work but was planning his retirement and looking forward to well earned holidays with mum and spending more time with us here in France, watching my 2 year old son grow up. Looking forward to having more grandchildren in the next few years. Its just not fair, I feel robbed and I know he did. I am so thankful that I was able to come to the UK with my son for a few weeks before the lockdown and spend some time with him. I went back home on 16th March, France was going into full lockdown and I didn’t want to risk being separated indefinitely from my partner and my son was missing his Daddy, it’s the longest we’ve been apart. I had no idea that that was the last time I was going to see my Dad. Not even his doctors did, they told me that even without treatment he still had a few more months. He died less than 3 weeks later. I feel so guilty that I wasn’t there with him and able to support my mum and brother. It’s so hard being far away.
I’m sorry for the long post. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Big hugs X
PS: thank you for everything that you do caring for others. Dad had some lovely community nurses. You are very special people
