My Mum was the strongest lady I know! She was initially diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukaemia in 2017 (AML) first round of chemo was unsuccessful, and was therefore referred for a bone marrow transplant, prior to this the leukaemia has found its way into her saliva gland (she had chemo and radiotherapy to eradicate this and it worked!!) fast Forward to 2018 she progressed to the bone marrow transplant in sept 2018 and that was a successful she was 100% graft of donor and everything was great for a whole year! And we celebrated the remission period! Then November 2019 it all started within shingles! She became super unwell, constantly vomiting, feeling dizzy unable to hear and see. December 2019 admitted to hospital as leukaemia was found in the spinal fluid, and she was having intrathecal chemo and it worked amazing it was eradicated, next step with radiotherapy! However a bone marrow was down and found low amounts of Leukaemia in the marrow and then she had 1 round of HIDAC.
fast forward January, my mum then suffered a stroke, both impairing her left side, speech and breathing. She ended up in ITU with multiple chest infections, neutropenic sepsis, difficulties in breathing and having another stroke which ended up with her on a ventilator at one point. She beat the odds we were told so many times she’s dying, she’s not got long to live ! Although the cancer was on remission there was a high chance of it coming back.
February / March 2020, she got better! Off the ventilator, breathing for herself and became with environmentally aware of her surroundings. She was then transferred to a stroke into for therapies. We had a choice we knew she want fit enough for haematology input but we knew our mum would want to at least try and build her strength! Which she said she started talking again, regained movement and was psychology sound. And was able to eat and drink!
End of March she came homeB I was so excited honestly the last 4 months I never thought she’d ever come home again ! I thought wow finally some normality, I’m so proud of where you’ve come from! Sadly 3 weeks inshe started to deteriorate she wasn’t how she was in hospital, we suspected a chest infection, she was also under palliative care who just thought it was her body slowly giving up the fight.
Friday 17th April, ended up in hospital needed huge amounts of oxygen, not conscious and on a syringe driver for comfort and pain control.
Wednesday 22nd April. My mum grew her wings! She fought so hard to live in this 
.
The Last 4-5 months I committed my time and put my life on hold to look after someone so precious to me, she was my absolute everything. Without her I deem unworthy, I’m worthless. I’m lost without her. Forever is too long to never see her again.
i know in the last few days of life, she was fighting so hard, fighting so hard you could see it in her body’s response. Wednesday 22nd morning, I said to her; “ Mum you rest now ok, you’ve fought so hard for every moment, and you’re a fighter and I’ll never ever forget everything you’ve ever done for me” and later that evening she took her last breathe.
im struggling to get the picture of her lifeless body out of my head, I keep imaging where she is now and if she’s scared! And that she needs me.
she knew her time was limited and she always said to me “I’m not scared to die, but I’m scared about leaving you”
right now I’m Lost. It’s only been two days but already it’s been enough time without her. I honestly feel like living without her isn’t worth it
sorry for such a long mess!
