Dad

Taranis 

may I just reach out to YOU and offer my deepest condolences, loosing a parent is a devastating time 

and-my heart goes out to you....what do you do now .......you ask

there is no right or wrong answer to this enormous question...

But I say with deep empathy, just BE....

That means what ever you do next will BE. the thing to do...nothing will have any meaning for a few days anyway...it’s like auto pilot.....time.

when you feel the need to do other things like, plan the next steps, or cry or shout, or both....then that too will BE the right thing to do...

i wish you peace in this dark time, and I won’t say it gets better, it doesn’t we just learn to live a different way, in order for us as human beings to cope....

please take extra care  of YOU

regards

D

Thank you for reaching out and your kind words .  They are appreciated

Many thanks for your kind words.  They are appreciated.

I will do my best to remember them and above all take care of me.

Taranis, I’m very sorry for your loss, it is such a sad situation to be in and to witness the passing of someone we love so dearly, it really is all consuming and beyond words. I can totally understand how you feel right now as I was there 4 months ago with my Dad. Although this may be the saddest thing you have experienced, you will come through it because you must. It’s not easy, no right or wrong, it’s just a day by day get through this. Your heart is broken as is mine, but hopefully you will feel the emotional pain of his loss a little easier as time passes by. Don’t expect too much of yourself, just focus on one day at a time and you will move forward slowly but surely. Take care and I’m thinking of you x

Thank you for the time you have taken to write your message.

Your words are also appreciated.  Day by day.  You have to get up in the morning get dressed have your breakfast and do all the other stuff you are supposed to.  Life goes on.  I know he wouldn't want me to do anything different.  He is probably up there right now wagging his finger at me.

Having a bad  day is also allowed.  As you say I must remember not to expect to much of myself.  After all it has only been 3 days.

Hi Taranis,

So sorry to hear about your Dad passing away  I lost my 69 year old Dad to stomach cancer at the beginning of August last year.

All I can say is to talk about your Dad, think about him, look at pictures and videos if you can, remember him as he was, not to dwell on the small stuff or regrets if you have any. Grieve for your Dad your way, whatever that is. If you want to scream at the top of your lungs or cry till your eyes are dry or even sit in silence with your thoughts that is just what you need to do. You may feel numb and incredibly raw right now, that is how I felt. There will be things to do and sort out but the main thing is to help each other through this as best you can. 

Just remember there is no right or wrong way to feel. I didn't cry at the funeral because i was so numb, people were pretty much congratulating me on how strong i was. I wasn't strong at all, I was just so numb I was just going through the motions as nothing felt real. 

Dio x

Hi Dios,

I hear your every word and thank you.  I think the feeling numb thing is where I am right now.  

I currently have a family member who wanted nothing to do with my dad for a very long time but wants to be at the funeral.  My little sister is freaking out about this as she does not want them there.  Very long story.  But I understand why.

I don't know  what to do about it. 

Hi Taranis,

That's a tricky thing to have to deal with the magnitude of what has happened. I feel for you. Key thing is to try look after those closest to you and yourself right now. I had a cousin who refused to see my Dad during his illness as she wanted to remember him as he was. I was furious and didn't want them to come to the funeral as I saw it as selfish but in the end when all I could think about what what we had lost it just became insignificant. She missed out on some wonderful moments and the chance to say goodbye to Dad. That's something she'll have to live with. So whatever is going on there with this person know that they'll have to deal with whatever guilt or regrets they have.

Dio x