I lost my mom on the 19th. She had ignored a lump through fear for so long that when she went to the doctor we found out it was terminal as it had spread, they quickly put her through radiotherapy as they wanted to try to give us 6 months, she was so resilient and came through it really well and I think we had almost come to terms with making the most of the next 6 months. She was planning on starting day hospice and I had negotiated going part time in January. Then out of the blue she had pain which turned out to be a clot and passed within hours in hospital with me holding her hand. It was such a shock as she had been doing so well, only the day before we had had Christmas dinner with her friend and we laughed and joked. In the end we only had 6 weeks and much of that was in hospital, she was such a kind and gentle woman I feel like not having those extra few months was the last kick in the teeth. She and I had a very strained relationship with my dad as he was cruel, undermining and a bully but she couldn't leave him for financial reasons. He has declined since she went and people keep telling me how badly he is doing and I have felt obligated to step in, even though he made her life difficult until the end. Inside i want to scream at all these people who are feeling so sorry for him and expecting me to carry his burden and tell them the uncomfortable truth but I just suck it all up inside. We have a very small family so its pretty much been just me and her, my mom was my world and best friend, we spent every weekend together, holiday and trips out since I was a child and as soon as she was diagnosed I took 6 weeks off work so I could be by her side each step of the way as I knew she was scared. I feel like my world has crashed around me, all of my routines were based around her and I don't know how to keep up the act with the rest of the world over my dad as I feel sorry for him but I can't see past the cruel man who was still shouting at her an tell a terminally I'll woman she was stupid just last week x
