Dreading New Year

Hi , grief is indeed tricky and it comes at times we don't expert. We assume we are dealing OK but things trigger the emotions and then we don't want to admit we are upset. I hide my grief a lot , I hide it with humor so that people assume I am OK, I think I do a good job too at times. But if I was to be honest I miss my friend very much, I regret not saying googbye to him before he died I feel almost like I let him down but I wanted him to be with his family. But yes I can totally understand the fact people try to avoid talking about death and grief in general somehiw it seems a taboo subject, but its so important. Whether its just a simple case of expressing how we truly feel without anyone judgment is important and that's where some support groups and councilling comes in handy as talking to someone you don't know can be really easy to express our feelings because they don't know us and you know what its OK to express them. Have you been on the MacMillan main site and clicked on in your area there maybe support groups there some of the groups do have bereavement support too, I suppose it depends on the area. The cancer support group I go too is also the same as where I had counselling, although I haven't had formal grief counselling its good to talk to people who understand. As for the gym the dust can always be blown off when your ready.

Hey Sunshine, 

Defo no expert and I’m only getting by by waking up and seeing how each day feels but please don’t hide it. I do get it - not many people know at my new job and in someways that’s great, I’m no longer the girl that lost her mum to cancer! But in other ways, I have to sort of ‘hide it’. I’m not ashamed and I try my hardest to really feel it when it truly hurts. Just because your 11 months in, doesn’t mean there’s an automatic switch for you to ‘get over’ your loss and starting singing ‘oh happy day’ every morning! It’s honestly not your problem if you make other people feel uncomfortable with your emotions - it says something more about them not dealing with them than you. 

I will say though, I think the gym will help. The running helps me. I was really angry the other night, so I ran much faster and just gave evils to people as I run. By the time I got home, I was exhausted and passed out BUT I felt a little better about life and smiled at people the next day again xxxx

Hi , ah Kate the running sounds very effective for a coping mechanism. Everyone has their own and I am glad your getting the benefit too. I think its true we tend to push a bit harder as a way of coping and to push though the anger too and its great to feel better for it. And your right about there is no automatic switch for anyone to 'get over'. And I totally agree with Kate that its not your problem if people feel uncomfortable with your emotions sunshine, I think it does say something about them. Best rule of thumb take each day as it comes, if today, tomorrow or yesterday is just a bad day then it is and its OK to be upset and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable saying so. 

Sending you all a gentle hug

Thank you, you lovely crew. XXX your advice means alot and helps me to see mor clearly. XXX feeling a little brighter. Just lots going on here and lost my way a bit. Thank you for being here. Xx

Hey all

Just checking in -sorry, work has been mega busy but I have been reading your posts, agreeing, empathising and sending virtual hugs and positive thoughts your way.

I’m finding it tough too. Life sucks.

Take care all. Love and hugs x

Glad to see your post SPu - I had been thinking of you as I hadn’t seen any posts by you lately. It is extremely tough. Life can be beautiful, but life can suck big time too. Life can be very cruel. Love xx

Hi ladies, hope you made it through your Mondays ok.

I started the day wth a short run with my dog, who made me laugh with her usual silly husky antics. Good for the soul. Short distances for me at the moment but hoping to get back to longer ones soon - much admiration for Kate there.

Sunshine, hope you are doing ok. I had a majorly bumpy one last week - one of those times when you just can't find a break in the clouds. Listening out for mum's words of wisdom to help me pick up again and carry on. They are always there if I quiet the noise and listen hard enough. She had so much wisdom to share, I know I have been really lucky for all of her support. 

Best to SPu, Sunny, GBear Lou and all - supportive hugs all round

Emma

xxx

Well I said I would share it when its finished, so here it is

Done in watercolor

Another great picture GBear xx

Hey you lovely lot. Xx

The sun is finally shining in the south east. It's beautiful. XXX 

Tough couple of weeks. On top it being a year. That my mum  was through a horrendous journey. It's been very stormy. Big waves. Lots of reliving. 

My young relative who is very poorly, has had a tough couple of weeks and plus caring for an elderly relative with health problems and bad health aniexty (this is very hard my mum was always so positive, even in the toughest times. She  to faced life with a positive attitude. Looking after someone who is ok, but can't get out of their head, they are seriously ill. And tell you daily. The doctor says they are ok. And just dealing with life's little health compliants.

Its tough going.  I have to separate, this experience with my mum's and remind my self they are scared and their fear is real. It's hard thou. When all you want to shout is YOUR HERE. I won't don't worry. I love them dearly and am sad they can't see everyday, the positive need to be appreciated. As my mum would say "Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the main act."

The one person, I would turn to would have been my mum. I know what she would say. She would say give them your love and patience. Don't get angry, they are scared. Getting old and loosing independence is soooo hard. XXX so I know even in tough times. I have her guiding me. She's always with me, she's part of me. People say first hard. This is a first a really hard couple of weeks. Just wish she was here. 

Feeling a little brighter in my self thou. My mum would want this. I just miss her,  She was my rock, my go too. She was the person who would make me think clearly. I could off load to her. Their was always unconditional love and support. XXX 

Back to Gym, now and having a spa day and massage Friday with my bestie. Never done one, so thought why not. Gotta look after yourself. Xx 

Hope you are all are ok. I hope you manage to enjoy the sunshine. Have a lovely weekend. Whatever your doing warm wishes. XXX