Dreading New Year

Awww Lou12 thinking of you. Xxx I'm sure your mum would have loved you honoured her special day. Xxx

It doesn't sound silly at all. Can completely relate. My mum died 7 months ago yesterday. I often  think for a split second where is she or I consider/include her in everything I do. Then I remember. Which makes my heart ache. 

This week has been particular hard. We had some news about a close relative health.  (Out of respect for them I won't go into detail here) but it's hard. I just want my mum, she would have know what to do /say. She would have rallied around and organised us all.Xx 

Also then on this journey of mixed emotion. I said to my dad  "she would be super proud of us" if her death has shown us anything, it is how super tight we are and we have the ability to pull together. Which is because of her and how she raised us. We will do this again. We will remain positive and support them and each other just like she would want us too. Xxx 

Thanks all for your lovely replies as always they mean a lot. I hope you are all ok and as you say another week over with.

Sorry to hear Sunshine about your relative I hope things work out in the best way possible for them. It sounds like they have great support with you and your family. 7 months is still no time, I feel time is moving so quickly but feels never ending if that makes any sense? 

I find that life is very cruel as we all know and it's not mapped out how we would expect it. I do try to enjoy the little things more in life and take more notice of people who matter to me more than what I would have before. I'm also trying not to get upset/annoyed over little things where as before I would keep on and on about it, now I'm thinking why did I waste so much energy on such trival things. All that being said I'm am trying...I've also found my family although very small has pulled together more and I know my mother would have loved that.

Be sure all our mothers would be proud of us I'm certain of that. 

Hope you all have peaceful weekends x x x x

Thank you. We are behind them Every step of the way. Xxx Your sooo right. It makes you look at life differently xx my whole perspective and priorities have changed. Xx 

Literally having the biggest wave this afternoon. So much so I've come to bed. So emotional. I then feel sooooooo selfish. Other members of my family are having the toughest time and getting on with things. Its just come as the biggest wave and crashed down. I can't string a sentence together. I just miss my mum, soooo much. I just wish, she was here. I think it's highlighted as a family member has he some not so good health news. I just want her. It feels so unfair, why our mum. We need her. Xxx Its hurts so much. I am hiding this from my family. Hence going to bed. I said I had a migraine. They have enough to deal with. Sorry for ramble. Just need to let it out.  Xx

Lou -  your right life is very cruel and it definitely is not mapped out the way we want, I never thought mum would get cancer. In a way, it’s just as well we don’t know what the future holds. I used to worry about trivial things, I look back now and think to myself why did I waste so much time and energy on things that were not even important. When a loved one passes, you realise what matters and what is important in life. 

Sunshine - I wish there was something helpful I could say. The huge waves of grief hit me. Everyone on here, knows exactly how your feeling.  

Hope everyone’s weekend goes ok xx

Sending you a hug Sunshine, don't feel selfish or guilty if you need some time on your own it is what you need to do. 

Don't be sorry for rambling we are all here and understand. X x x

Sunny life is just not fair at all my mother was at her happiest when cancer came into her life. Then again any time of life for anyone is not fair to be told you have terminal cancer. 

Sending you all my love x x x x

Hello lovely ladies -

Sunny43 - thanks for thinking of me and the tiling. Wonkytiles.com made me chuckle. 

GBear - thanks for the bear hug x

Lou - thinking of you today knowing it would have been your mum's birthday. Mum passed away in October last year and her birthday was November (she would have been 66) I did wonder about getting a card and writing it to her. Might sound mad but I just wanted to tell her I loved her, where ever she now was. Well done for getting through this day - you have great strength.

Spu - You're so right, our mum's would have been so proud and GBear - your friend too.

Sunshine19 - sounds crazy but let the storm and the waves crash around and just hold on. We're all throwing you a gigantic yellow rubber ring. You've done the right thing to go off and just be alone. As hard as it is, let the emotions come, feel them. Try and sleep and then start another day tomorrow. The wave will pass and tomorrow or Sunday will be a brighter day. Sorry also to hear about your relative - do wish them well. 

Been thinking of you all this week. I've been a little up and down like a yo yo. Good counselling session - productive and felt positive. By Tuesday/ Wednesday, was deflated and flat like a pancake again. I do the same thing that you're all saying - wonder where your mum is. I was in the bathroom earlier and almost shocked myself into forgetting and remembering what had happened and wondering where my mum was.

Saying that, I've had a really lovely couple of days with my dad. The tiles (part 1) are not wonky (sending you pictures) and the trellis in the garden is up, complete with fairy lights. (you're all more than welcome to have a glass of wine, gin & tonic or just simply a glass of water at my house one day) under the fairy lights. It's been bitter sweet the last few days though. Talked a lot with dad about mum - was therapeutic but I've missed her. I remember her staying and doing jobs at the house. I've thought a lot about how cruelly she was taken from us.

Also been worried about my sister. She has a heavy job, my niece and a partner that doesn't tend to open up very much. It's sort of hit her though that she's not coping and feels constantly down, depressed, snappy etc. She's done the right thing and sort help - counselling through work etc. I am glad she has now realized that you can't dodge these feelings/ waves - sometimes you have to face them front on.

I think it's true what you have all said above. Our mum's (and GBear's friend) would be so proud of us. This is shaping us, making us become stronger - to dig deeper and realize we have more strength than we ever knew. Let's keep going - ploughing through the waves. Our group is like a pentagon/ hexagon, we will prop each others sides up when we start to fall/ feel weak. We have each others back!! 

Thinking of you all this weekend as always. 

Kate xx

Aww , its OK to have some space and allow the emotions come though, we are all I am sure  guilty of trying to keep our emotions hidden but you can only do that so long. Sounds like you have been very busy , the little seating area in the garden looks lovely, I hope we can have some lovely sunny warm weather so you can enjoy your labours. 

Its been a strange week I felt it was hard so hard to hold my emotions when I was sharing some happy memories of my friend with his widow we both managed to hold back the tears but did manage to chuckle over a few things. His widow who I have been friends with for years too wondered how I kept it secret about the painting he had asked me to do for her, I laughed it was the best kept secret ever. But it gave me lots of pleasure to do. I have done a charcoal sketch of her dog but I think I may do a painting or pastel drawing of it but the charcoal captured the dogs facial expression so well.

Charcoal works so well,but I may do a painting of the dog too one day. 

I hope everyone has a good weekend as best as possible, and sending everyone a big hug.

Awww thank you guys. Xx love this little group.xx Some times you just have to let it out. I think I'll sleep well, I've exhausted my self with the sobbing.  Like you said hope tmrw will be a brighter day. Xxx 

Awww Kate looks lovely. Well Done to you and your dad. Glad you had a nice time together. Xxx