Dreading New Year

Meant to include GBear too - hope your weekend goes ok too xx

SPu - I know what you mean about the post, it breaks my heart every time, when a letter or magazine arrives with mum’s name on.  We do voting via a postal vote - I got a letter this week regarding the postal vote, to see if the correct names are on, looked at the names, just dad and me, mum’s name missing, as you can probably imagine, the tears started xx

Aww SPU we are here for you and thinking of you. Xx  thanks Gbear. Hope you feel better soon. So much about.

He is,  but I'm biased. He had a wash and blow dry yesterday. So now he is like a teddy bear. Xx He is such a comfort. I'm a bit low last couple of days (missing mum soooooo much) and I'm soooo fatigued too, but struggling to sleep. So walking him helps alot. 

He did grieve. More so when my mum went into hospital. She was away for 8 weeks before she died. He would sit by her chair and cry Xx she was his fav and he followed her everywhere. But we given him lots of love and affection and every one loves to walk him, to clear their heads. So he is learning to live his best life, just like she mum would have wanted.  

Wishing you restful Sunday. 

As Sunshine said SPu we are here and thinking of you. I dreamt of mum last night again, every time I go to say how much I love mum in my dream, I wake up. In some ways dreaming of mum is a little comfort, but, when I wake up, the grief hits me all over again. Mum was my safety net and the safety net has been pulled from under me. It’s such a difficult journey that we are all on, I sometimes feel that I have walked into another life and desperately want to go back to that life with mum in it, to make our family jigsaw complete again, sadly the missing piece of the jigsaw (mum) is not there,

Hoping you all manage to get through Sunday ok xx

I agree it is a very difficult journey we are all on a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm sorry you're having a bad morning Sunny and Spu that you are struggling I know these words are understatements.

I often dream of my mother one which was very vivid and I'm convinced it was my mother saying she was ok. This helped a lot. The other dreams have been when she is ill and when I wake up I realise it's reality she was very ill and she's gone it's horrible. I just think how can she be gone? How can I get up every morning and she's not here? Most Sundays we would go to her house and have a lovely Sunday lunch how I miss that.

I also feel my life is so surreal like I keep asking myself is this really happening? 

As we all are I am trying to continue on for my mother.

Take care everyone x x x x

Hi Everyone,

Hoping everyone is managing to get through the weekend with a little relaxation (if possible) and sunshine.

Gbear - sorry to hear about your cold. Hope you start to feel better soon. They appear to be everywhere at the moment, colds. Hard to avoid. I tend to stick some steaming hot water in a sink (with vics if nose is blocked) and breathe it in. Sometimes unblocks a little for me and also works as a mini facial for free ;-)

Sunshine19 - glad to hear you still managed to enjoy your weekend, despite obviously missing your mum. Sorry to hear you've had a difficult week - hope you can have a day soon without a wave and get some rest.

Lou12 - totally understand the - surreal is this really happening thing. I found myself looking at pictures of mum yesterday and recognizing the face and having a lovely warm feeling but not understanding where she'd gone. I also dream about mum too. Last night was the first one where she wasn't ill - every other one she's been ill with cancer.

Spu - we've had cats all our lives too. Dexter is a great pal and you all said that they understand and sense things. It's totally right I think. I'd be a little lost without Dexter poking his head outside the door every time I come home from work each night. 

Sunny43 - so sorry to hear you also have had a difficult week. We are all here to listen and nod to how you are feeling. We get it, really we do x

Odd one for me too. I went to my counselling on Monday feeling nothing. Nothing. Zilch. Not a peanut. And I would look at photos of mum on my phone and be cross I felt nothing. 

Then, boom! Wednesday hit and a grief wave came and I have felt pretty rough rest of the week. Like all of you have said - so sad and of course, missing mum so much. I spent last Sunday with my niece and she really clung to me the whole time I was there. I would often go over to my sisters house and see Freya when mum was staying with me and I think Freya sometimes expects mum to be with me. She's a super sensitive and emotional smart child for 3 and she said 'Grandma died. Her tummy stopped working.She picked me up from nursery' It breaks my heart and makes me so angry and guilty that I can still spend time with her and yet my mum can't. She idolized her and wanted nothing more than to watch her grow.

Anyway - weekend has been so so. Every other thought is mum at the moment. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off next week and my dad is coming down to help do my tiling in the kitchen. Mum was so looking forward to doing it in October last year. The date she was meant to be coming down was the 3rd (she passed away on the 12th - so very unfair l!!) Anyway, I think the tiling may end up wonky and my dad and I both know my mum will be watching us, tutting from somewhere. 

Just wanted to share something I found really hard yesterday. I was due to leave my house and drive over to meet my friends new baby in East London. Sadly, where I live, there was a girl (young it was reported) who was sat on the top of the bridge threatening to jump. Speculation but obviously she had got to the lowest point where she saw no way out. It had shut the roads near me which was causing serious traffic blocks (which is why I had read about it). Anyway, I'm not sure entirely what happened to the poor girl but I'd read she was no longer on the bridge and that an air ambulance had landed (felt it fly over my house) It really upset me and sort of choked me up. Grief gives you really hard and testing days and I know I can say I have had some very low points since my mum died but never to the point where there is no way out. I guess my point is, however bad things feel or get - never stop talking or think that someone doesn't understand a spec of what you feel. We are never alone and I feel lucky to know that you ladies 'get it'

Sending lots of love and sunshine your way for the rest of the week. 

Sorry to end of a horrible note but Dexter appears to have a furball! Gross.

Kate xxx

Hey all

Thank you for all your thoughts and wishes, so good to know you’re here.

GBear I hope you’re feeling better and managed to work on your drawing. Hope also you manage to get some rest to help with the fatigue - the cold/bug won’t help unfortunately. Winter cold bugs are so ridiculous and can make you feel really rough.

Hope  you managed to get through the weekend. Kate, that was a sad start to your day, I hope the girl was ok. Like you say we have to ensure we keep talking and sharing and not get to such points of despair, no matter how much we are grieving there is always someone who could perhaps do with our help. 

Did the usual nodding to all the posts. Grief, whether families or close friends, has similar effects on us all.  Horrible thing.

Big hugs to all the pets too. Love hearing about them.

Good week - peace and strength to you all.

xx

Awww sunny43 I could have wrote this. Completely relate to the above. Xxx 

Awww thank you Kate. Can relate to your mum being every thought. I'm really missing my mum. I just want to hear her and hold her. I want her to give me advice. Xx  

Hope the tiling goes well. Me and dad are sorting trying to sort mum's garden (She loved her garden) we were laughing saying she be tuttung. She was a great forman. Xxx

Awww that's sooo sad and many people find them selves in dark places. I agree always talk and reach out for help. I know im very lucky I have an amazing support network and hate to thing of anyone alone and at a point of desperation Xxx heart breaking. 

Hope you have a peaceful week. Xx

Thinking of you. SPU. XXX Ive just come home from work. My dad and Stanley have come for a roast. Hubby had it under control lol. Stanley is like a teddy bear. Xxx 

Peace and strength to you too. Xx