Dreading New Year

So lovely GBear - thank you for being so kind xx

Aw that’s kind GBear thank you for thinking of us.

Yes, I do often think it hasn’t happened. I find I “forget” more now I’m back at work eg I’m running late so I think “must text Mum” or “I must tell Mum xxx later”. Dreams make me sad when I wake up and the feeling lingers for days.

I now have an appt first thing tomorrow but it’s at 9am so that still leaves an awful lot of weekend.....

Love and peace to you all xx

Hello ,

Blimey fancy having an appointment at 9:00 on a Saturday. Actually I have had a fare few hospital appointments at the weekend. We have them to keep up with the seven day NHS service but I was surprised to hear that its not in all areas, maybe they don't have the same waiting lists, who knows. But for you, you then have the rest of the day thinking about your Mum. I am really not surprised by this its still so very early on, and emotions are going to be rather raw but I know with you working its helped distract you. 

It was only the other day that I and a friend realised it had been 3 months but its also would of been his birthday this month and ad I said to his widow we have to get though the next first. I believe it gets better but it doesn't feel like that at the moment. I keep wanting to have a really good chat I have so much I want to share with his widow but my mind is blocked and I can't seem to be able to shift it. Why I have no idea. I feel bad I haven't cried about it, yet I am very sad about it, more hurt and angry I suppose. I know we all need to deal with our feelings but we don't need to force it. I know your got a lot of the weekend to start thinking of your Mum, so thoughts are good remember a really funny occasion or a time that she said had made her happy. I am not sure but sometimes I thibk it helps to remember the good. I have some strange memories that seem so bizarre. The best one being I knew him and his wife for years but had not idea that they were each other if you thibk. Both described each other to me and I never twigged. I certainly felt a prat for that one, but also it made what they said to me about each other more personal and open. Love is such a strong thing and something that I don't believe dies it may change how it looks but still remains. What I am trying to say in this awful long waffle is that your Mums love is inside you, it will never leave you because it is you. I hope you understand that one. 

Hi All, 

One night I had a really vivid dream and my mother was fit and well just as she was before cancer she was happy and laughing and said something that meant a lot because it was something that she would  have said with the same expression and as crazy as it may sound I do fully believe it was my mother telling me she was ok. It has given me a lot of comfort. 

So I do not think you are crazy with the moth Kate, I strongly believe they are still with us and send us little signs, although not in physical form they still live on in some way. 

Thank you GBear for your lovely picture and thinking of us it means a lot x x x

I do think that our loved ones are always with us, no matter what you believe. I find if I am feeling down I would ask my friend, for his advice, he was a fantastic listener and very practical man. His widow says the same that she often speaks to him for answers. They may not be with us in physical form but spiritual maybe. It gives some comfort to be able to share things I can't with anyone else and ask for wisdom, he inspires my art, I found ideas sometimes are overflowing in my mind, I know I need to concentrate on one at a time if possible. For me I love art although if you would of asked me years ago I probably say I had no interest in it so it shows we can can change. I am getting better at it too and each day I finish a piece I would ask his approval. A number of people this week have said why don't I take up art professional? Well I know its in good intention but I enjoy art do I want to do it as a job? OK one day I may change my mind but for now I prefer to do art for me and my friends and family I get more pleasure out of that then selling it to some stranger. But a local artist is teaching me to help improve my art, his taken me rather under his wing. So its a testament to him too to see my art grow. I use art as my coping mechanism, something I hadn't realized would happen. But its surprising how people use art and crafts to help them though treatment, though trauma etc. I always say it doesn't matter if its a stick man drawing if it gives you break from relatity then its worth it. 

I have a jar now, I am going to turn into a memory jar but I am rather stumped how I am going to decorate it.

Wow your talented. Thats fabulous. Xx

K8EH -  I know exactly what you mean, sometimes I think all that’s happened has been a bad dream and I will eventually wake up. I still can’t get my head around things, but our grief is still so new. As for dreams, I dream a lot about mum, most of the dreams are where mum is poorly though. When I wake up, I feel so sad, as I have said on here before, it’s just another Groundhog Grief Day. I still can’t look at pictures of mum, I’m sure in time I will be able to look at the pictures though.

As for the moth, I definitely think our mum’s are all around. I was so upset one day, looked out the window and there was a little robin, a sign from a loved one perhaps, it was mum’s favourite bird, she used to call robins - roly robins. As someone said, if you believe these signs are a sign from a loved one, follow those breadcrumbs - I’m going to keep following the breadcrumbs

As you said Kate, this will all get a bit easier at some point for us coping with the loss of a loved one. Hope is a wonderful word and we have to try to put hope into our life’s.

Thinking of you all - K8EH, SPu, Lou, Sunshine19, GBear xx

They say when a robin comes to you that a loved one is nearby maybe its indeed true. I have a Robin that will follow me around in the garden, its true thy are a friendly human bird but very territorial too towards other birds and will often chase them. Maybe they are also our protectors too?

Hey guys. 

I've had a rubbish week in the sense. Life is back to normal "what ever that is" Work, family, friends, household chores. Busy busy. I also sometimes for a split second think life was like a year ago. Then BANG it's not. I've really missed my beautiful mum this week. I just want her. I know I can't and I will cope (I know she would be proud of me). I just bloody miss her. In a sea of normality, nothing is normal. I just want her. To the outside world, I'm fine. But inside I'm aching for my beautiful mum. 

Life moves so quickly after someone dies. This is fact, the world stand still for noone. I know my mum wouldn't want people sad and wanted us to live the best life. I want the same, but it just makes life seem, so disposable.

At first it was in the outer circle. (Which i understand, sure people are sad but its not directly affecting them) Now it's the inner circle. I know my mum would want life to go on. But i find it's so difficult. My fella who has been a star throughout this. Has been ill this week and I can quiet honestly say a grumpy bum. We have been bickering, for the first time, since my mum died. I was mortified, how can we be bicker over silly stuff and my mum's dead.  But i think it's more to do with the fact, life goes on. We will bicker, we will laugh, worries from before the grieve took over will come back.  

Knowing what my mum would want and what she believed in. Keeps me heading towards a life, she wanted for me.  I feel she's with me. As she is part of me. Xx

Sorry for my miserable post. I'm gonna get my clean on, blast out a bot of Springsteen. My mum's fav and get on with the day. Xx 

Hugs to you all. Xx

Morning All,

I feel the same with photos it's funny after my mother had passed away I could look at them and talk to one in particular but lately it hurts too much. I have a lovely one on my phone screensaver of my mother and my kids eating ice cream and it hurts everytime I see it. I wish I could climb into the photo and just hug her tightly, mad I know.

I also believe in robins and this again is something that gives me a tiny bit of comfort.

I hope you all manage to have good days whatever you are all doing 

Take care x x x