Dreading New Year

Good to hear you had a lovely day Sunshine. Lovely to raise a glass to your mum xx

Hello lovely ladies,

Apologies for being a little mute, the last few days. I started the new job on Monday and it took up a lot of my time and energy. I made the the right decision to move, despite being apprehensive over it. The culture is very different and people were welcoming. There is a lot to do and some new topics to learn, so all in all - glad and relieved.

GBear and Emma - sorry to hear about the waves. How are you both doing now? 

Sunshine - hope you enjoyed the wedding. Well done for raising a glass to your mum. I'd love to think that all our mums and Gbear's friend were hanging out together, with a glass of wine or whatever. All getting to know each other as they were somehow aware we had all created a bond (even if it is a digital one)

Work consumed most of my thoughts this week and I was a little anxious i didn't have time to think about mum and process any feelings. I knew that I may have a come down after the long week and low and behold, Saturday was a low day. I'd dreamt about mum being poorly and it felt so real. I do wish one day that my dreams are not about her being ill but when she was at her finest, laughing and loving life. Anyway, I really missed her. You know that intense longing to see someone again? I spent some time looking at her photos and just in sheer shock that she was no longer here. I decided earlier in the morning that I was going to do a long distant run - anyway, I went out and managed 14K!!! The longest run to date! Was so chuffed and felt a lot better afterwards, despite not really being able to walk ;-) I also got an old guy on a bench give me a cheer. I felt proud to tell him I was running the London marathon and I wore my charity vest with pride. 

Anyway, hope everyone has had a peaceful weekend? Did anyone watch the Eurovision? Decided to pass on it this year. Spent some time in the garden, looking at all the flowers and plants my mum had help me plant - they're all in bloom now. Only wish my mum could see. 

Anyway, thinking of you all always. Hope everyone is trying to find a way through - I honestly believe that confronting this face on and letting the waves come is the best way to deal with it all. We're all in it together guys, despite our journeys being a little different.

Lots of love to you all for the week ahead.

Kate xxx

Ah , Kate well done on the training 14k is really good and I am sure your mum is watching over you. I know the new job is taking a lot of your time and energy but I hope your enjoying it.

I am sure everyone's Mums and my friend probably were raising a glass or two at the wedding sunshine. It brought back a photo of my friend's order of service on the back page was my friend raising a glass of champagne with a huge smile, a cheeky smile too, it was so him. So I am sure he has passed on his cheeky smile and laughter to all your Mums.

sorry to hear you haven't been well, and how frustrating that it happens just when you've donated blood and they had to throw it away, donating blood is a wonderful gift and I am sure that they will be grateful again once your fully better. I haven't been able to donate blood in years because I kept getting unwell after then all the medications I am on now prevents me.

I have been sorting out some of my art materials and getting it a bit more orderly and I repotted a plant I brought about 4 Christmases ago. I will get some plant food for it.

I am almost finished a protait painting just a couple of bits to do but its my first portrait painting.

I finished my Napoleonic war painting too.

Hey all

Queen if useless playing usual catch up....

glad to hear new job going well. Totes relate having started my new job in January. Takes a lot of time and energy learning new things as well as settling in. I’ve been very blessed to meet some lovely people here. We spend so much time at work it’s awful when you’re unhappy somewhere I know. Yep miss Mum so much at times it hurts so much. I too would like memories of the happier, well times overtake the others...hopefully in time.....Great job on the running. Eurovision was in the tv (which I always keep on for company) but I wasn’t really watching it. Heard some interesting music though

GBearas I said to you separately, great news the review frequency has reduced. We’re all sending positive wishes your way. Your latest paintings are amazing - the portrait one is really good.

@noeasyanswers I know what you mean. Totally unrelated, seemingly non-emotional things can make me cry too like you and The Avengers film. Emotions, hormones just spill over at times I guess. Plus if feeling low if unwell. I’ve thought I’ve had a cold brewing for about a week but it’s not coming out just making me feel washed out and pathetic. Times like this you really do miss your Mum more.

glad the wedding went well and hope the sun also managed to make an appearance for you all.

Exciting day off for me...sitting waiting for my car to be serviced!! Rock n roll Monday 

Have a good week all. Love, peace, hugs and inflatable bananas (in hopes of summer) coming your way xxx

Hello all.

Good to hear the new job is going well Kate and well done on the 14k Run. As I have said before, we are all virtual running with you. As for the dreams, I dream about mum, most times mum is not well in the dreams. As you said SPu, I miss mum so much at times it physically hurts.

Your right Kate, we are all in this together and all of us on here have a bond, we have all been brought together because of the love for our mum’s.

GBear, your paintings are great. We love seeing them. As for the Eurovision, I just watched the end and voted for Australia, the reason is I have a very good  Australian friend, I voted Australia and she voted England, even though I told her not too, as I knew England didn’t have a chance of winning!

Wishing you all a peaceful week. Love & light xx

Hey guys,

Welldone about the Job Kate and running that far is awesome. XXX 

Totally get the physically ache of missing my mum. I had an awesome weekend and really enjoyed my self. But someone, very special was missing and that hurts alot. 

Having a bit of a come down today day and a wave. I just wish I could share, the pictures and tales of the day. She would hav loved it. Xxx

Also a significant date is looming. On the 1st of June, it's a year ago, my mum went in for her stem cell treatment. My husband and I drove her there. This breaks my heart. I remember that journey so vividly. Laughing chatting and planning all the nice things, we do when she got home. Xxx Never in a million years, did I believe, she wouldn't come home after treatment. It Xxn even crossed my mid.   We thought after a month, she be back with us. I brought her a photo cushion of us all. Little did I know 8 weeks later, that cushion would sit on her coffin. Xx I know it's a date, one day and i miss her every day. Xx I'm just gonna be kind to my self. XXX 

Think I was so hyped in run up to and over weekend. Now reality bites back. XXX 

Sending positive and calm wishes to you all xxx

This is the finished picture I hope you all like

Wonderful picture GBear.

Hi ladies - having a bumpy old week. Proper rocky and really felt like I’m drowning this week. Two intense dreams of mum ill in hospital makes me now scared of going to sleep. 

Went for a run this evening though and saw this beaming sky - there is hope beyond those trees xx 

Thinking of you all xxxx

Really good picture GBear, I wish I was as creative.

Sorry to hear this - I too had those times when I was scared to sleep because your subconscious kicks in and sometimes tortures you with sad times which make you sadder when you wake up. It’s trite but it will pass. Perhaps never go entirely but becomes a little more bearable- I hope so. Sending you big hugs and much peace.  The run should help - beautiful pic.

Rest well everyone, take care xxx

Hey guys. XXX 

Fab picture GBear and great photo Kate. Xx 

Sending the biggest hug Kate. XXX Totally get that. Having the biggest wave today. Been a rocky old week. Woke up today and I cant speak with out getting really tearful. I think ive been pressurising myself to be strong, and it's just hit me with an almighty wave. Xx so I've declared today a "be kind to your self day" 

I'm off, so had a nice shower, fresh bedding on, gonna food shop and then have a rubbish TV afternoon. It's ok not to be ok. Gonna ride this wave. Xx