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Hello all, I just posted this in another group, but now realise this is probably a more appropriate place.

although I am regularly awake through the night when I should be sleeping it’s usually worries about my stage 4 BC. But not tonight, I wish it was the usual but at the moment it’s something so much more painful. We had to have our 15year old Jack Russel euthanised yesterday afternoon. I thought I was broken before, but now, it’s unbearable. I don’t know how to ease the pain in my heart. 
My boy ‘Chester’ helped me through the 1st diagnosis in 2012 and all the surgeries and chemo involved (BRCA2- so had extra bits taken away). He has been my constant companion since my 2nd diagnosis in 2018. 
I still work full time from home (since March) for NHS and my little boy would lie under my work chair in the spare room keeping me company every day.  I’m dreading being in there without him in just   4 hours time. 

  • FormerMember

    Hi, I’m so sorry to hear that, it must be absolutely awful and my heart goes out to you. We adore our pets but even more so when going through hard times.

    My hubby has incurable cancer and is now very poorly. It is just us at home and our 12 year old dog. She is like a breath of fresh air, she has no idea what’s going on and each day just wants food and a good walk. I hope so much she is around for a few years yet to get me through this and can’t imagine if I lost her now.

    So I really do feel for you, I’m so so sorry for your loss x

  • Thank you for your reply, I think I am right out of tears for the day. 
    I am sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis.
    I do also hope your dog remains your faithful companion for a few more years. We tell them all our problems don’t we, they can’t help but the comfort they give is immeasurable.

    Sending you love and gratitude for your compassionate reply. X

    When you struggle to stay positive, fake it till you make it.
  • so hard - our little friends keep us going in ways that are hard to understand for non dog owners - they carry us along and I cant imagine the pain that having him put down brought.  They are steady companions alongside and often far more helpful and knowing than people who use words  - my heart goes out to you. 

  • Thank you so much for your kind message. I think you have hit the nail on the head there, he was my constant companion, and I did rely on him, especially through the tough times. I know for a fact that I love and cared for him much more than I did some of my relations. 
    When my grown children left home, he became even more important in my life, I guess you could say he was my surrogate child. He would always need my care, love and attention. It’s nice to be needed. It gives you purpose. I think you understand this, and I miss him so much it’s a physical pain in my chest. I honestly didn’t want to carry on fighting this cancer after losing him on Monday, kept thinking about stopping treatment, because what is the point. I know my family love me, I’m not sure they need me. But I know this pain and empty feeling will fade and I will only have the sweetest memories. I will carry on.

    I just pray that when I do lose this fight I will be with him again in a better place. 

    When you struggle to stay positive, fake it till you make it.