Widow/Widowers club - This is how I feel (1st post 14 July 2010)
1 minute read time.
FormerMember
I feel so confused, how can my husband be a live in January 2010 and be dead by July 2010. I want to scream. I just sit there staring in to space, zombiefied, my head can't get around the fact that my wonderful husband is dead. I want to SCREAM and shout and cry, I want someone to turn the clock back and make it all better, I don't want to do this, I don't want to be alone, I want my husband back. Its scary knowing that you will never come through the front door. I keep thinking about our holiday in 2009 we had the best time in Mexico it was fantastic it was only yesterday, but now your gone I just don't understand. I just don't understand it, how can they put a man on the moon but not make you better, why.
I have to be strong for our little girl, but it's sooooo difficult as she loves you sooooo much and trying to be the strong one now is hard, especially when all I do is cry. Family try to console me but they don't understand. Friends just give me that puppy dog face and say how are you doing, how the blooming hell do you think I'm doing... Stupid Questions. I just want to be left alone, to get my head around it. Why do people always want to know how your doing when you've lost someone. So I don't go out no more, I avoid them like the plague. Just come back that's all I want, I miss you so much it hurts my heart and my head.
FormerMember
Hi Ash,
Welcome to the Mac Family, Im very sorry about thecircumstances. But here on this site you will never be alone you will meet people in the same situation as yourself. We are here to help, support,comfort, and try to understand,and help in anyway we can. Even if you only want to talk there will always be someone here to listen. So be strong,and remember you are never alone.
Want him back,need to cuddle and hold him look into his beautiful almond eyes.People meen well but I want to scream at them,they haven't got a clue.Time is a healer........you need to go out...........go back to work.........but as usual I agree ...........but won't for much longer.... they DON'T UNDERSTAND..........
I 100% know how you are feeling. We muddle through the days but when the night time comes its a different world isnt it.
The thing is ok maybe some people havent got a clue how we are feeling, but on this website everyone does know how it is.
It has amazed me since this new set up that if you log on to 'Community home' there are new members every few seconds, even through the night and early hours of the morning.
I totally agree a cuddle would be the best thing in the world right now, oh how I wish too I could cuddle up in bed. My hubby used to say 'get in here with us' every night. Now I say it too, to his soul. Its not near the same but its all I have.
I don't come on here often now but sometimes it helps to 'dip in' and read about some one else's experience which is close to your own even if it only makes you realise that you are not going mad.
The shock of the loss of our dearest loved one can be devastating.and for me, even 14 months down the line I too still ask myself how could this have happened? and of course there is no answer. As for dealing with other people my personal thoughts are that, whilst one or two can be annoying and intrusive, for the most part I would rather have people caring about me than staying away or acting as if nothing has happened or that I have some how magically moved on.
It is good to have your daughter to focus on and I'm sure that relationship will become your saviour.
