How do you deal with the fact that your mum has been given a terminal cancer diagnosis? That's what I have been trying to figure out over the lasts 3 months.
I have always been a glass half full kind of person. Life was really good, we were all happy, healthy and living life to the full when boom your world comes crashing down around you. In one single second the doctor changes your life forever by saying I'm sorry we can treat the Cancer but we can't cure it (doctors and nurses although amazing always seem to want to avoid the word terminal!). I will never ever forget that one second. My response was to cry out, mums was to ask "how long have I got." The answer came back we simply do not know.
I remember going home and everyone sitting round the table eating dinner like nothing had happened, I couldn't eat at all, all I could feel was anger building up inside.
It's important to realise that every one reacts to a diagnosis differently. Some people will cry, some people will storm around in anger, some people will try and block all emotion out and bury their heads in the sand. I have seen all of the above reactions and I have tried them all! There is no correct way to deal with a life changing diagnosis. I have quickly learned that every day is a new day, some days will be bad, some will be ok, some might even border on being good.
Since mums diagnosis she has started going through a really tough treatment regime. She has amazed me with her strength, determination and outlook. Her health however is noticeably deteriorating. I feel survivors guilt every single day and often wish that I was ill, and not her. I try not to, but often think to the future to a day when I won't be able to spend time with her or won't be able to just pick up the phone and talk to her.
But as I keep trying to remind everyone, including myself, there will be an eternity to cry, feel sad and grieve for the life we once had, but right now it's more important than ever to spend quality time with mum. Today has been an ok day so my glass is still half full (well for today anyway).
FormerMember
HI
THis has just happeher cancer to my mum. I'm the big organiser of everything as my mum lost my step dad 5 year's ago and needs a little help to sort things out. I am totally reeling from what has been told to us this week. I am trying to look for a glimmer of hope something to focus on that will bring some positivity. I am totally scared and feel like a useless lump.
I had a melt down yesterday not in front of my mum I might add. I cannot weigh up that she has lived a totally healthy life and is a lovely mum who is not on any medication normal blood pressure holds down a job has dogs that she loves and walks everyday and in a couple of days will be having medicine that's going to knock her sideways. I am trying to keep everything together and keep having a word with myself to be normal and strong.
SHe has been told that her cancer cannot be cured and it's totally unbelievable that this has happened.
YOur post has helped me a little just don't know what the next few months will bring but I have to keep myself together for everyone xx
Like you I have had to become the organiser of everything, I'm not going to lie this is the toughest thing I have had to deal with in my life. You have to deal with the emotions of the diagnosis as well as coming to terms with what's happening.
Before her diagnosis my mum was the most independent person that I knew, so for her not being able to do everything round the house has been difficult for her to deal with. Trying to juggle work as well as looking after mum along with taking her to hospital appointments, shopping, cooking, cleaning, etc isn't easy but you will find a way.
Every person reacts to treatment differently, for mum she started getting really tired and ill after her first round of treatment began.
I feel guilty when I go to work and I feel guilty when I spend time with my friends. But you will also have to take time out for yourself over the coming weeks / months because if you don't you will end up exhausted which won't help. And it's perfectly normal to cry you have to release all the emotions out somehow.
It might help to talk to Macmillan too. They have been really good with mum and I am tempted to ask them for some support too. A lot of the time the focus is on the person who has Cancer, rightly so because I can't imagine how our mums are feeling. But you need support too to help you deal with everything.
I feel like this post has been a wee bit negative but everything hasn't been bad over the last 3 months. The bonus is that I'm spending far more time with mum than I used to. We were always really close but now are even closer. I hope you get to read this as I wasn't sure how to respond to you directly. Hope you're doing ok xx
