How do you deal with the fact that your mum has been given a terminal cancer diagnosis? That's what I have been trying to figure out over the lasts 3 months.
I have always been a glass half full kind of person. Life was really good, we were all happy, healthy and living life to the full when boom your world comes crashing down around you. In one single second the doctor changes your life forever by saying I'm sorry we can treat the Cancer but we can't cure it (doctors and nurses although amazing always seem to want to avoid the word terminal!). I will never ever forget that one second. My response was to cry out, mums was to ask "how long have I got." The answer came back we simply do not know.
I remember going home and everyone sitting round the table eating dinner like nothing had happened, I couldn't eat at all, all I could feel was anger building up inside.
It's important to realise that every one reacts to a diagnosis differently. Some people will cry, some people will storm around in anger, some people will try and block all emotion out and bury their heads in the sand. I have seen all of the above reactions and I have tried them all! There is no correct way to deal with a life changing diagnosis. I have quickly learned that every day is a new day, some days will be bad, some will be ok, some might even border on being good.
Since mums diagnosis she has started going through a really tough treatment regime. She has amazed me with her strength, determination and outlook. Her health however is noticeably deteriorating. I feel survivors guilt every single day and often wish that I was ill, and not her. I try not to, but often think to the future to a day when I won't be able to spend time with her or won't be able to just pick up the phone and talk to her.
But as I keep trying to remind everyone, including myself, there will be an eternity to cry, feel sad and grieve for the life we once had, but right now it's more important than ever to spend quality time with mum. Today has been an ok day so my glass is still half full (well for today anyway).
