Up and down is how I feel. Yesterday, I re-read the Eulogy I've written for her funeral next Monday and blubbed. I forced myself to do my first 'outing' on my own - just to a small exhibition. I felt predictably lonely but unpredictably jealous of all the couples. I played a board game with our two kids (20s) and their partners and we had a great time - laughing, whooping and hollering. Yesterday was the first day that no-one visited or rang to see how we are. Yesterday was when I realised that although we've done loads of reminiscing (stories, photos), and I've given them loads of reassurance (eg "it's OK to laugh", "it's OK to meet your friends up the pub"), me and the kids haven't talked much about how we feel.
