Saturday: So, I'm supposed to be cramming for my new SLT placement on Monday: CN nerves, the brain, motor neuron disorders and the upshot is: I can't concentrate. My eyes point in the right direction but will they move from left to right? NO. So, I did time chasing dust balls around the house with a Hoover that seems to be on strike, emptied the washing machine drain-thang (it was shouting E240..whatever that means) cut down the wisteria (a good name for my Blog but was already taken) and got stuck on my flat roof. Close your eyes and imagine: two teens shouting at their mum 'you can do it/if you can't do it, why did you' and 'watch me: see - it's easy. Now COME DOWN! There was absolutely no way I could swish my legs over the parapet and on to the ladder... it just didn't make sense that I wouldn't just fall off. Eventually they called my ex to rescue me (and we aren't even on speaking terms). Reminder to ones self: just because you've done it before it doesn't mean you can do it again!
Wine O'Clock time came so spent some time on the Apple app store and found 'The Brain' for free....in 3d! Crazy! Now just have to find a nifty app for CNS.
Sunday: Kids went off with their dad this morning and I feel miz and redundant - redundant in the sense that I've done all my joblets around the house and I don't want to attack the fridge or oven (I'm just not in the mood). Everything is gleaming and spotless (a first in a long while), washing is done... still can't concentrate. What to do! This 'keep yourself busy' isn't working: flat's too small. I could, I suppose, knock on my neighbours door and swish through hers..wouldn't that be funny!
Bring it on placement: I need to be mentally challenged for the next 7 days. Make me so busy that I can't stop to wonder during the day and I can sleep at night. Make these nerves of steel and not jelly.
FormerMember
Oh Tinkerbell,
you do have my sympathy... I have been there so often! Trying to distract and trying to focus and not managing very well.
On the positive side, you are getting lots done and you made me laugh! Laughter is a good antidote to worry I find.
I would say be realistic; you know you are not goiing to focus very well, so accept that and do some fun things to pass the time. Worry doesn't change anything and wastes a lot of time. If you get good news, then what a waste of time all that worry was, and if you don't get good news, then what a waste of time worrying and it happened anyway and you could have been doing nice stuff before needing treatment or whatever. well, that's my take on it.
So, tell your tutor or whoever your situation and ask for some extra time/support or whatever and go and do something fun.... you could come and clean my house if you want, but I suspect you can think of something nice to do.... treat yourself. Go and buy something nice? have a coffee with a friend who makes you laugh?
Sending you nerves of steel and as a very wise lady on this site says to me when I am wobbling, 3 deep breaths and stand like a mountain. You can do whatever life throws at you and we are here to help and it may be good news so don't waste your wonderful life worrying about whatever will be and get out there and have some fun :)
Little My..thank you! You are absolutely right and I'm glad I made you giggle. It can be a little Bronte-esq chez moi, as we do tend to flop from one calamity to another. You've kicked my proverbial: off to the gym and will Starbucks it on the way back. May even attack my hair cos I'm still finding twigs....
That sounds fab! I swim to get rid of my anxiety... I did the gym yesterday, so having a day off to attack the rose bushes in the garden... swapsies it seems.
And make sure you get something nice and chocolatey to eat with your coffee too- gotta keep your strength up eh?
I'll be joining you later picking twigs out of hair... and of course we all understand on here that it is easier said than done.... the enjoying and not worrying, but give it a go.
And just to make you feel even better, I have a pile of marking to do. What am I doing? I am writing to you, am about to go out and do the garden, oh and I need to go to the tip too... and I .....and I.... haha you are not alone...
LM x
ps maybe keep off the roof? smug exes are not too cool. ;)
So ve are gym-going, twig picking procrastinators together, yar? I feel better already...not least because I don't have marking to do! (I'm hoping a paragraph occurs here)
Will keep off and away from all roofs cos I agree..smug exes are über uncool, as are screaming kids, and have been putting the afternoon to good use by dancing to Alanis Morrisette 'you ought to know' etc, which has perked me up big time! Now a new week begins: and my Placement starts tomorrow so will have little time to be so self-involved - whoop whoop. Plan to look v enthusiastic and knowledgeable if I can find a pair of shoes that match..I have over tidied it seems.
Have a great week and thanks for making me laugh too...and for kicking my proverbial back from orbiting the darker side of this glorious moon.
I thought of you just now as I really did pick a twig out of my hair!
I didn't mean to kick you up the backside but I am so glad that I made you laugh... we need to laugh. Sounds like you had a good day and just you make sure you do something everyday to make you feel alive and happy.
Good luck with the placement. Hope it goes well and is a happy distraction for you. I am a teacher as you might have guessed and its half term for me... so I am going to the gym tomorrow (no gym bunny I can tell you!... I had a lot of fatigue, osteoporosis developing after treatment and a couple of ops and treatment to get back into shape from so I have to go. The swim afterwards is my carrot.) I joined a posh gym with saunas and spa pools and an adults only pool etc so I was happy to go to the gym! I am then going away for a few days and treating myself and my son to a couple of nights in a swanky hotel... Cancer perks- can't drive 4 hours there and back in one day so need to break the journey up, and if you are going to do it, then do it in style... and sod the money. I might not be here in a few years time so want to have some fun and if I am still here then great, I had a lot of fun :) win win. eh?
I have never managed to find matching shoes ... though they nearly matched the twig in my hair today so I am impressed. Have a good week and let us know your results.
