That 'conversation' with the doctor

Hi,

Just take it one day at a time with your son. The birthday cards for the future is a beautiful idea. Might I suggest something - make him a video of his mum. I'm a lot older than your son but I know that one thing that scares me since my dad died is that I'll forget what he sounds like. Sounds stupid I know but that's one thing I dont' want to happen. If you make a video of his mum talking to him he'll always remember what she sounds like and somehow a video seems more real than photos, because it's animated perhaps. I'm sure that you'll do an amazing job with your son if your wife isn't there. It'll be very hard but you'll get there. My cousin died having her second baby, her husband thought he'd never be able to bring the two boys up alone but with the help of his family and hers, he's done a brilliant job and they're lovely lads. You can't be a mum, quite true but what you can be is a fantastic dad and don't forget, there are loads of kids being brought up by one parent, it is possible to do. Anyway, it may not come to that, where there's life there's hope and while I'd definitely recommend putting your affairs in order and putting things in place to remind your son of his mum if she can't be there, there's always the tiny chance that she'll defy the odds, after all she's got something to fight for. All the best and I hope she's having a better day today, love Vikki x

Vikki has made some excellent suggestions.  Juggling child care with work is I feel is one of the harder things of being a parent.  A male friend was left with two young children to bring up (in the days way before single families were the norm) and he managed by being very handy when it came to the male jobs around the house and other mums would help with childcare, taking in parcels, cooking a meal etc.  My husband was away in the forces and you soon learn that a picnic in the park is great fun and no mess in the house!

Hugs Jan xx

Hi there

Thank you for your kind support. My wife did all the 'proper' raising of our son up till now and I just came in from work and played with him and made him over excited for bed!! She was always my grounding.

The video idea is a good one, will charge up the camera tonight! I was dubious of taking any photo's being how sick she is but I don't care now I want as many memories as I can now

Ed

Ed one thing I did many years ago was produce a video for a friend for his young son's birthday party.  I got him to give me a nice photo of his son and the birthday card he was sending him.  I then got two young friends to present an imaginary Magic Birthday Show on the tv.  The children really really had to believe in magic because whoever shouted the loudest would get the magic card they were holding in their hands..... and a magic picture of the winner would appear of the tv screen ............. very badly in focus of course .... they were told they had to shout louder - they did and then the birthday boys picture was full in view.  They congratulated the "winner" and threw the birthday card towards the camera - and it magically appeared in the room - hidden under a convenient arm chair.  You could do a similar thing with your wifes voice wishing him Happy Birthday at the end......... and of course video it again as it happens.  A simple bit of "magic" for a youngsters party - but it went down a bomb!

Jan xx

Hi Ed

My heart goes out to you and I hope that the doctors are wrong for you and your son's sake.

But just in case getting things in order is a very good idea and the video idea sounds wonderful.

As for not being a Mum, you will learn along the way, possibly stumbling and falling now and again, but you will get there.  Look at all the single parent families out there - the majority of whom manage surprisingly well.

My friend Jude has brought her son up single handed as his Dad walked out when she was six months pregnant and has had virtually no contact all his life.  Dale is now 16 and a very well grounded young man even though his Mam had to be both father and mother to him.

Stay strong Ed.  If the doctors are right now is the time to make sure there are memories in place.

Thinking of you.

Much love,

Nin xxxx