Yesterday was the one day in my life i never thought that would happen- the day you are told you have a cancerous tumour- it's so true you never think that its ever going to be you. I have been having severe abnormal bleeding for a few weeks now and i took it to be down to the fact that i had the contaceptive implant placed just days before this bleeding started. I examined myself and i found what i would say is golf ball to tennis ball sized lump like you know when you blow a bubble and other bubbles form on top of it thats how it feltto me i was scared.
I have 4 children and a wonderful husband and i felt sick to the stomach how could this happen to me?? The hardested part of the whole day was needing to tell those ones closest to you just seeing them crumble brought tears to my eyes how can i be strong when i know i need to be strong for others. I am a sttrong person and i have been to hell and back over the years and came across so many hurdles this my largest so far and i am determined to find away. i need to i must!!
I see the specialist today to get all the tests done i am scared beyond belive. But i know today will juust be as hard physically and emotionally as yesterday and the next will be harder. I need to find my strength the one that will keep me going and i know one day it will come in the mean time it needs to sink in.
I have been up all night cant sleep reaserching on the internet all the different things that i can face getting my questions ready for today.I'll let you know how i get on when i return.Sarah x x x
FormerMember
The first step on the journey that nobody wants to be on, but on here you will find love and support from people who really care.
You will, like the rest of us here find every bit of strength you need to see yourself through this journey. It does get easier to deal with as things move forward and we are all here for you to help you along the way.
Thank you so much your kind thoughts and words have brought tears well floods from my eyes. today i saw my specialist and was introduced to a lovely lady called Fran my cancer care specialist she talked me through the process of what was going to be happening today. He did the biopsy was such a scary thing, my poor husband sat at the other end of the room while i sobbed my heart out poor Fran's tunic, the look on his face he was devastated think he has finally realised what lies ahead for us. I have been told i will get my results well within the week along with the blood results and i will get an appointment for my mri within the fortnight as they have classed it as urgent, this urgent thing scares the crap out of me as i know some people wait a while for appointments how and why is it happening all so quickly is it worse than they say? makes you wonder!
i have not cried much today apart from this morning at the hospital and when my 5 year old daughter told me 'mummy that tummy bug will go away soon' i had to go and lock myself away it breaks my heart they are so young and it kills me to even think of what could happen. i know we shouldn't think that far but we do. when i feel stronger without breaking is when i can explain a bit more without the 'c' word as that word is scary. i am unsure of what i will say for sure but we will get through it some how. Its the telling of others that worries me, how did you tell the neigbours, the woman at the till that you have a gossip too every wed doing your shopping and even more how do i tell my clients (i run my own mobile beauty business). its scary stuff this. if i am honest cancer has never effected me in any way before this ive never known anyone personally just some one that someone else knew. and reading on here makes me realise wow it effects so many people in so many different ways and you are all amazing so brave, i know i blabber on but i am ever so gratefull for everything i really am.
Been away from here a few days so missed your blog until this morning. It brought back memories of my day of being told I had cancer and I shed a few tears with you this morning. We do know how it feels!
However, I can agree with all my friends on here in that you will get though the worst fears, you will get control and you now have the best support team in the world, us Macmillanites! Don't panic about things happening quickly, the fantastic NHS gets you sorted as soon as they can. I was told at about 10.30 in the morning and then was immediately admitted by 11.30 am the same day for my first op!
