guilt

thanx sarah  every thing dosent see real at the moment i was walking through bath today with my daughter and i felt realy angry that my mum will die in the future . i wanted all old people to die today how bad is that . THe tablets ive got r ok but still dont feel alot different yet , my doctors is rely good ive only met him 2 but is there for me .go and see your dr he might help  love and many hugs tracyxxxxx

Hi Tracy,

Me again, NO IT'S NOT WRONG (is that clear enough?)   At the minute you are going through one of lifes most stressful experiences. The fact that you knew you needed help and did something about it is a good thing.  Don't question yourself or your reactions coz believe me they are completely 'normal'. When my dad has his first heart attack I remember seeing some guy about 19 years of age and really overweight, I truly  thought why not you instead, I felt guilty as soon as I thought it but even so deep down there was still a little part of me that wished it was him and not my dad, does that make me evil? I'd like to think not and that my reaction was normal.

As always hugs and best wishes

Helen xxx

Tracy, it is not wrong to ask for some help for yourself. Cancer doesn't just affect the patient, it affects those around them too. Citalopram is good. I know because I've been on it for over a year now since my dad died. Your doc probably told you that it takes at least 3 weeks to start working. I had to have the dose increased to 40mg. It does help calm your anxiety somewhat also, the only thing is I get really sleepy with it.

As for wanting all old people to die, I can relate to that so much. Even now, 16 months later I feel like that. I see ppl older than my dad and other ppl who didn't look after themselves the way dad did and wonder why him?????

Nothing in life is fair hun. I guess we just have to try to make the best of what we have and that includes spending as much quality time with your mum as possible.

See you around. Take care.

Christine xx

Tracy, Citalopram is one of the safest drugs for you to be taking. I have had to go on it when i have found it difficult to cope, in fact my doctor wanted to put me on 20mg, but I said that I wanted to stay on 10mg as it was just enough to keep me on an even keel. You may be on a higher dosage, and it is what you need. Its good that your doctor is seeing you regularly. I didn't properly cry after my diagnosis until a few months into treatment. i was so busy trying to stay positive for everybody else...and your mum is probably in shock too.

Take care xx