we'll where do i start ...i know monday . i had chemo ( cisplatin) which went well actually 6 hours not the expected 7 1/2 and the radio which was quick and easy . the i took the hour trip home with my boys scoffing fish and chips in the back seat ! my other half saying very kindly ' i tryed to keep your sam fritter warm' ..bless .i passed on the spam fritter but i don't think it mattered either way ,as soon as i touched down at home i was sick , very very sick until saturday when i thought i'd done really well not being sick all morning until i watched x factor and threw up when the twins come on ( seriously) .
on wednesday i went for my 3rd radiotherapy but didn't make it instead i got dropped off at a and e after non stop vomiting , losing all strength in my arms and legs and difficulty breathing and of coarse dehydration. i must say my stay at the notoriously bad maidstone hospital was plain effing awful . i was crying so much that i wanted to get out of the smelly stinking hole that they told me to vacate the ward and sleep on a small 2 seater sofa in the day room ....nice .after being rehydrated and pumping full of any antisickness they could find ( didn't work) i discharged myself .
went back on friday for radio again by then i couldn't even sit up in a chair , i had to be propped up with pillows in a wheelchair. the mac nurse saw me 1st and was appaulled by the fact that i was told to sleep on the sofa , she called one of the oncologists who shoock her head and said' we'll if i can't get you to stay in' and kept on sighing . anyway the funny bit , only its not that funny really is it ..she asked the nurse to give me an antisickness jab so at least i would stop throwing up long enough to get an xray , the nurse was an inch away from giving it when she proclaimed that the drug was 4 months ot of date, but hey i should be gratefull she didn't give it to me , thats what she said.
my radio friday was cancelled . and i was sent home where i've been nursed very well and compassionatly by my boyfriend .the sweetheart had to keep a check on my bowel movements !anyway enough of that hospital i went today and had a very short and sweet radiotherapy . but no chemo today it was cancelled . now this is where i need your words of wisdom.
i'm not sure if the reaction i had to chemo was an allergic reaction or normal chemo symptoms. i had chemo last year and was sick once , different chemo though. the mac nurse thought it was more likely an allergic reaction because i was sick straight away , but i'm not seeing my oncologist until wednesday to get her opinion . my partner seems to think i should do everything quite everything to beat this. i think enough is enough. i'm having radiotherapy so lets see what that does . am i weak ? is it giving up? i don't want anybody turning around and saying i didn't do enough. i dunno if she asks me do i want to continue what do i do , i never want to feel that bad again but i don't want to die . do i have to do what my mum would say and be a brave little soldier in this horrible battle , or is this soldier just battle weary .? thoughts on a postcard please xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
