someone please pinch me ..

1 minute read time.

and wake me from this nightmare :(

today i went to see the surgens , news isn't good , yes the cancer is back for the 3rd time confirmed by pet scan today , the also shows it hasn't spread ....

they want to get me in on the 29th for removal of the bladder and vagina and maybe removal of the bowel depending on the scar tissue ..he said i had a 1 in 5 chance of this working ..if it doesn't then it will all happen very quickly and i may never leave hospital ..if i don't have the operation again my time will be limited .

i will have a ct 2 days before surgery to make sure it hasn't spread , he could also open me up and decide not to go ahead because of previous damage .

so this is it , i've dreamt /layed awake at night thinking about this day and its all so very surreal, before when i've spoken to consultants they've spoken of a cure and today iit was just about quality of life .

i have to go back next week to see the urologist and measure up for bags ..

how do i do this ? i just feel like holding my breath and stopping ..just stopping .all i want is to be able to watch my little boys grow to big men and it very much looks like i won't see another xmas ..i'm so very afraid and just don't know how to go on ..i never ever thought this day would come that i have to weigh up how many days i have left its all so unfair .. have to sit down tonight and tell the children ...please friends give me strength xx

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Sammie, I wish you all the very best in your further fight against this dreadful disease.

    I hope all of our positive thoughts and good wishes give you the strength you need to continue this fight.

    My heart goes out to you and your family. What a lovely daughter you have.

    Sending you lots of love and best wishes. Christine xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    It's easy for me to say but please don't give up yet.  One in five is better than no chance at all and you must try to believe that you ARE that one in five.

    My heart goes out to you and your children.  We are all here for you.

    All love, Marjorie

    x x x x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I am there fighting along side you love...Carol x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Sammie

    1 in 5 chances may not look like good odds but it's better than none ! You've fought the cancer so far so keep fighting and try all options to get rid of it !!!

    I'll be in the hospital soon too for another surgery. They'll be removing my right lung, my pleura and my diaphragm. We know for sure that my ovarian cancer has spread to the pleura and diaphragm but all the scans I've had so far show that my lung is fine. Yet they are going to remove it... It was a difficult decision to accept but trying to look at the bright side of things my lungs will be one place where the cancer can not spread or come back...  

    I'll think of you and until then I'm sending you positive thoughts.

    xx

    Liz

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Might sound odd to you and I am more than happy to go into more detail... perhaps in a personal message... I did some training using NLP [neuro linguistic programming] and I was told creating a dynamic future is possible by placing yourself after the event and living as if you have achieved whatever it was....

    You have the desire to be the one in five that has this operation and gets the results you want...

    Try taking yourself into the future and living as if you have been to one in five and you have had the successful outcomes, that you are there for your family and your future is there for you waiting to be discovered...

    There is a train of thought that says living as if you have one the marathon whilst doing the hard training for it... makes the future easier to get to with the results you want....  

    So you are past your operation, past the uncertainty and now in your future and all has happened to plan, you are the very special one in five...  how does this feel?

    If you can add colour and smells and sounds to this image, make it anything you like... and when you have 'moments' that you can spend building the image keep revisiting it.... adding people, different seasons of the year, different future events... always way way into the future...

    I did my training with some Macmillan nurses I think this is something that they have knowledge of - perhaps ask yours if they know how to do this technique...  

    I send you lots of strength and can see you on the otherside of this operation and you are wearing the One In Five badge...

    With love Jules x