someone please pinch me ..

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

2 Jun 2010

and wake me from this nightmare :(

today i went to see the surgens , news isn't good , yes the cancer is back for the 3rd time confirmed by pet scan today , the also shows it hasn't spread ....

they want to get me in on the 29th for removal of the bladder and vagina and maybe removal of the bowel depending on the scar tissue ..he said i had a 1 in 5 chance of this working ..if it doesn't then it will all happen very quickly and i may never leave hospital ..if i don't have the operation again my time will be limited .

i will have a ct 2 days before surgery to make sure it hasn't spread , he could also open me up and decide not to go ahead because of previous damage .

so this is it , i've dreamt /layed awake at night thinking about this day and its all so very surreal, before when i've spoken to consultants they've spoken of a cure and today iit was just about quality of life .

i have to go back next week to see the urologist and measure up for bags ..

how do i do this ? i just feel like holding my breath and stopping ..just stopping .all i want is to be able to watch my little boys grow to big men and it very much looks like i won't see another xmas ..i'm so very afraid and just don't know how to go on ..i never ever thought this day would come that i have to weigh up how many days i have left its all so unfair .. have to sit down tonight and tell the children ...please friends give me strength xx

FormerMember over 14 years ago

Absolutely Sammie...all any of us can do is try and try hard then try harder. I have not been in a position such as you find yourself in yet so I dont fully understand how you must feel. But I am a mummy too and my fight is for them although I make the decisions based on what is best for me. I hope that makes sense. I also hope you feel a little better after speaking to your daughter, she sounds amazing and balanced and mature....a credit to you :-) xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Sammie im sorry you have had this awful news. I didnt know whether to post or not as I haven`t got cancer and have only seen my loved ones with it, but I just wanted to say these Drs cannot tell us everything. They were certain my sister had 3 or 4 days left, then it became 2 to 3 months, she survived almost another 2 years and i am still certain that if she had been allowed different treatments and more surgery she may still be here today. My mum was the same, her Dr told her she was stupid! because she wouldn`t have any more surgery and would have a week at most..well she didnt she had another 3 years but was much older than you Sammie, you have age on your side and so much strength and determination for yourself and your children..You have every chance of your surgery being successful. Sending you lots of love

scarlet xxx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Sammie

I am so sorry that you are going through this... u understand how hard this must be for you.

My thoughts are with yourself and your family

Sending you a huge hug
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

I've got your back, Sammieo, and I'm sending you every positive vibe and thought that I can muster!

Be strong...

Marsha xx
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FormerMember over 14 years ago

Sammie,

What can we say to urge you on. I have seen how you fight for your kids, now you have to muster that strength to fight for yourself. You have it in you, I know you do.

It's gonna be tough, but you have your family and friends and all of us here pooling our love, strength & determination for you to dip into when you need, as often as you need.

Love & Strength

Debs xx
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