well just to update you on my last blog . came back from my holidays last week and i had a fab time really really loved it.
had a message on last Tuesday whilst on holiday left on my boyfriends phone saying ' this is professor Gauls assistant just to let you know we had an mgm with the surgeons and have agreed that surgury would be a good first option . we shall see u as planned in the clinic on tuesday ' . up to today i haven't been told what surgury would entail , but as an option i have been relieved its the first choice. when i saw the proff 2 weeks ago he said that this time round it was my choice . brilliant i enjoyed the rest of my holidays and let family and friends know the update . i even bought myself a set of new towels and slippers ready for hospital!
then there's been today ..............
speechless
like the big lemon i am i've taken the 3 hour trip up to the marsden for an appointment with the surgeons . he did an internal which i wasn't expecting and said he had to go and discuss with the radiographer . at that point i could sense it was all going pair shaped .he said that the tumour had stuck to my bladder and i had 2 options.
1. surgury to remove 3/4 's of my vagina and the entire of my bladder , the i would either wee into a bag or if i was lucky they could make a false bladder so that i could have a tube that i empty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then i would have radiotherapy ( at this point i think i was waving my arms about hysterically begging for tissues)
he thinks even with this option the cancer would very definitely still come back ...finito sammio
or
2.radiotherapy internal and external a review in 6 weeks and if the tumour hasn't decreased then go ahead with the surgery
an option 3 where they just removed the tumour and then blasted it with radio would have been good but it wasn't gonna happen.
he suggestion was that i go for option 2. so i asked why i had been told by voicemail that they would do surgery 1st and they said it shouldn't of happened and there was confusion between the 2 departments ..nice!
bearing in mind it was a 3 hour journey back i don't think i'e said more than a sentance to my boyfriend , i kind of grunted to him on the train station platform that he should pack himself , the kids and the dog up and leave me , because i just can't imagine he would want a girlfriend who has to pee in a bag .
i know it might not come to that if the radio works ..but it might .i know it sounds silly but it actually sounds worse then the dying option i know its not ..i love my life .. but i'm 35 i don't want my body torn apart !
so in the 5 weeks since i found out the tumour has grown anouther cm and has stuck to my bladder . i know family will be phoning asking if i have a date for surgury ... i just don't want to talk . i never imagined they would have to remove so much..maybe thats just me being a lemon and thinking my treatment would be all wrapped up in a bundle just as i want it.
oh i hate this cancer
FormerMember
I agree with Bill, your partner and children want you, with a stoma bag if it's necessary. I'm sure you would say the same if your partner was in your position. There are people on here who are living their lives with a stoma bag successfully, and if it means you have a life then it's a small price to pay. We are all wishing you the very best of outcomes Sammie.
You are being dealt a shit hand lately and you are faced with a difficult choice. I can totally understand you mumbling something about yr partner packing up his stuff and kids and getting shot of you. It was the shock of the news you had just received especially as it was so different to the surgery you thought you would be discussing.
I don't know you but, from what I have read, and what others have said, you sound like a gutsy and positive person. So I would think that, given some time, you will get your head around this and find the route that is best for you.
And I would ask myself - what do I love about my live? And about living? Is it being able to pee in a toilet and not carry a bag that you have to empty periodically? No, its laughter and love and kids' cuddles and all the many other things that rock our world(s). These will still be there for you to enjoy with a bag or not.
well I am glad that you enjoyed your holiday! It is more than annoying when you are given the wrong information about what will happen I know. But what ever happens you must remain positive. Don't begin to let this bl**dy disease rule your life you are much much stronger than that. And I am sure your feller is more interested in the real you and not the one who might have to pee in a bag!
oh sammi how awful for you ........ how can you decide whats best ?
toss a bloody coin maybe?
my son has just had his op i knew they were going to cut him big style
it freaked me out the thought of that alone (not that i showed it of course errr i hope i didnt )
the surgeon had said this could happen or that could not etc etc
it plays havoc with your imagination
i just wanted to wrap him in cotton wool n hide away from everything that was happening
well now a week later ........ cripes ...it was easy peasy
yes hes got a bloody big scar - but he is getting better
i know its totally different to you ....not a smidgeon to what youve gotta go thro
but
i do think sometimes our minds play horrid tricks on us and given time some things dont really seem so bad ....... good luck with the decision you make ...it will be the right one !
