well just to update you on my last blog . came back from my holidays last week and i had a fab time really really loved it.
had a message on last Tuesday whilst on holiday left on my boyfriends phone saying ' this is professor Gauls assistant just to let you know we had an mgm with the surgeons and have agreed that surgury would be a good first option . we shall see u as planned in the clinic on tuesday ' . up to today i haven't been told what surgury would entail , but as an option i have been relieved its the first choice. when i saw the proff 2 weeks ago he said that this time round it was my choice . brilliant i enjoyed the rest of my holidays and let family and friends know the update . i even bought myself a set of new towels and slippers ready for hospital!
then there's been today ..............
speechless
like the big lemon i am i've taken the 3 hour trip up to the marsden for an appointment with the surgeons . he did an internal which i wasn't expecting and said he had to go and discuss with the radiographer . at that point i could sense it was all going pair shaped .he said that the tumour had stuck to my bladder and i had 2 options.
1. surgury to remove 3/4 's of my vagina and the entire of my bladder , the i would either wee into a bag or if i was lucky they could make a false bladder so that i could have a tube that i empty !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
then i would have radiotherapy ( at this point i think i was waving my arms about hysterically begging for tissues)
he thinks even with this option the cancer would very definitely still come back ...finito sammio
or
2.radiotherapy internal and external a review in 6 weeks and if the tumour hasn't decreased then go ahead with the surgery
an option 3 where they just removed the tumour and then blasted it with radio would have been good but it wasn't gonna happen.
he suggestion was that i go for option 2. so i asked why i had been told by voicemail that they would do surgery 1st and they said it shouldn't of happened and there was confusion between the 2 departments ..nice!
bearing in mind it was a 3 hour journey back i don't think i'e said more than a sentance to my boyfriend , i kind of grunted to him on the train station platform that he should pack himself , the kids and the dog up and leave me , because i just can't imagine he would want a girlfriend who has to pee in a bag .
i know it might not come to that if the radio works ..but it might .i know it sounds silly but it actually sounds worse then the dying option i know its not ..i love my life .. but i'm 35 i don't want my body torn apart !
so in the 5 weeks since i found out the tumour has grown anouther cm and has stuck to my bladder . i know family will be phoning asking if i have a date for surgury ... i just don't want to talk . i never imagined they would have to remove so much..maybe thats just me being a lemon and thinking my treatment would be all wrapped up in a bundle just as i want it.
oh i hate this cancer
FormerMember
Nothing ever goes smoothly. Just when you were starting to come to terms with the news, another shocker . . . . big gentle squeezy hugs for you
I'm so pleased you had a great holiday, a break away from it all was just what you needed. And please give your boyfriend some credit, after all if the position was reversed, would you dump him just because he had to pee in a bag?
Prepare your response to the family - are they on email or text? if so then you could send them all a standard message with the facts and tell them you'll be in touch tomorrow but please leave you alone today if thats what you want.
I'm glad you had a good holiday, u sure deserved it! I'm so sorry you've had to come back to this news, just when you had got your head round to having surgery and thinking everything was in place. These things unfortunately happen and they send us into a total frenzy. We are all here to support you Sam. I ditto what Sharry says about informing your family by text or email, that way you don't need to talk if you don't want to. Sending big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you.
Oh Sammie, just as you're getting back up you get knocked down again.
Don't really know what to say. What a shock to be told this. Personally, I think I would go for option 2 and see how things go in six weeks. You never know, it might just do the trick.
I wanted to really swear but it wouldn't be appropriate so I went for 'oh crumbs!' instead...silly that I am. What an absolutely awful shock for you to have - really glad that you had this news after your holiday though and not before, because at least you had a great time. I can only imagine how you must feel and you're right, it's a dilemma whatever way you look at it. I think I would go for option 2 and see whether it makes a difference. Just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hoping that whatever you choose is the right thing for you.
Take the best option Sammie,I think your boyfriend wants YOU regardless of how you pee. Give him some credit. I would think he wants you alive and happy, thats what most men would want. Your main priority is staying alive and maintaining some quality of life for your kids. Thats what this man thinks anyway [for what it's worth].
