Trying to take a positive path. Joined this community to find like minded poeple who will understand me & help me gain more knowledge about the choices still to make. Looking for a safe place to try this out, rather than random web searches. Also i dont feel like i am "bothering" people here. Family & friends have been there for me but i dont want to overburden them. Usually very independent, infact i am usually, "the helper". So a change in role for me, still feels strange & at times i get irritated by my neediness. So many new feelings, feel like still got a long vway to go emotionally. But hay! ! am here & i have started on my path. That feels good.
FormerMember
My fur baby important to me too.
When I told need urgent surgery, & all the thoughts & fears were whirling round my head. The only clear thought I had was what will I do with my dog while I in hospital? The staff briefly left us to fetch drinks & I surpose to give us a few minutes alone. I looked at my daughter & she at me & I said, " you know what I thinking?" & she said, " yes, you worrying about what to do with the dog!!" (Amazing what we think about when told got life threatening illness.) It made us both laugh for a moment, thats when the staff walked back in, they asked how we were & so on. Surpose they dont get many who laughing at such a time??
My daughter & her partner looked after us both I am pleased to say. Having to be doing things for my dog has been a good rehab programe.
When I told need urgent surgery, & all the thoughts & fears were whirling round my head. The only clear thought I had was what will I do with my dog while I in hospital? The staff briefly left us to fetch drinks & I surpose to give us a few minutes alone. I looked at my daughter & she at me & I said, " you know what I thinking?" & she said, " yes, you worrying about what to do with the dog!!" (Amazing what we think about when told got life threatening illness.) It made us both laugh for a moment, thats when the staff walked back in, they asked how we were & so on. Surpose they dont get many who laughing at such a time??
My daughter & her partner looked after us both I am pleased to say. Having to be doing things for my dog has been a good rehab programe.
it's a strange place where we are at the moment isn't it! I find the 'new' me surprises others more than me now lol. You are so right when you say the 'professional' facade encroaches in our personal life and sometimes to our detriment. Everyone thinks I am being so strong and brave but they don't see me when they have gone home. I think I worried the District Nurse the other day because I was feeling particularly vulnerable, was battling with benefit depts etc and something he said in passing just triggered tears that I had managed to control previously. Poor man, he was so concerned and kept saying "oh dear, this isn't like you my love. What's happened?"! I think sometimes people need to see the vulnerable side of us, it's not a weakness, just being human, like everyone else.
Yes, I also find people want to make it all better as quick as they can. They do this for best of motives i think, I find even my most supportive folk do this. I have discovered a lot of people are very uncomfortable with tears.
But sometimes I want to feel my grief for what is lost from me. But their response makes me feel like I have to pull myself together. Or worse still not show it at all, I agree being vulnerable is not weakness. I know if i can allow my grief then I can better overcome what I perceive as my loss. Hope you won the battle with benefits agency. Having to repeat time & time again to get things sorted is very energy sapping. I think we can only have our strong brave moments because we allow the vulnerable feelings to surface & be delt with. Hope the rest of week goes easier for you.
` A bit fed up because not able to get through assessment for physio. Therapist called a stop because the assessment was too painful. I go back early next week to continue assessment. I knew I have problems with use of left side, following mastectomy. but surprised that previous health & mobility problems are adding so much to my current problems. All feels overwhelming. She was right to stop it, doing anything that requires strength to pull or push like driving, using a stapler or taking a lid off etc give pain. Takes lots days to settle. As cant sleep I thought I come here & whinge. I know my m new friends here put up with me!!??LOL.
I am going to change my first comment & be more honest, not bit fed up but very dissappointed & afraid. Thoughts like, what if they cant improve things? What happen about work? Cant afford many more months off work.
J
Just done big sigh. See even telling you about it seems to have helped.
Future is such a worrying thing isnt it?
I must remember the gift my dog teaches, that is to live in the moment.
After physio I visited a friend & her 2 year old daughter for a cuppa. What a wonderful distraction from my discomfort. Children understand living in the moment.
In a few days back to physio & maybe I will share my fears & get some reassurance.
