Trying to take a positive path. Joined this community to find like minded poeple who will understand me & help me gain more knowledge about the choices still to make. Looking for a safe place to try this out, rather than random web searches. Also i dont feel like i am "bothering" people here. Family & friends have been there for me but i dont want to overburden them. Usually very independent, infact i am usually, "the helper". So a change in role for me, still feels strange & at times i get irritated by my neediness. So many new feelings, feel like still got a long vway to go emotionally. But hay! ! am here & i have started on my path. That feels good.
Welcome to the site and to this community of great folk who reach out to help, support, and share special nuggets of useful information not found on medical sites. A couples of phrases you use struck chord with me - 'being the helped instead of being the helper' - it's very difficult to change roles but, given practice, it can be nice! Let people spoil you and show their affection for you - it makes THEM feel better being able to do something! The other phrase was 'not living alone because I have a dog' - very, very true. I have two flat-coat retrievers, Bonnie and Clyde (Clyde is the puppy in the picture) and they are (after husband and children) the loves of my life.
Do feel free to have a moan on here, there will be plenty of support!
Hi Polly - it's good that you found us, because I reckon this site is definitely THE best. For people; you'll never meet kinder or warmer ones than on here. I know what you mean about "bothering" people and that's what this site is about, for some of us it is priceless. We can share feelings, have a good old moan, ask for advice, find answers to questions - then we can return the
favour for someone else. So, it works both ways for all of us. Cancer is a disease that does tend to cause great emotion, either from the sufferer themselves or the people who love and care for them, but we all learn how to deal with them, don't we. All of us in different ways, but all on the same journey. I hope your path stays clear of obstacle for you, with lotsa love kate xxxxxxxxxx
Well, even if you are the one who always helps, it is different when you have cancer. It is not just you who has had a shock and an upset. It is the family.
The best way to help them is to keep them in the loop. If they feel you are hiding the worst from them they will worry out of all proportion. I sort of told my husband. I can't remember if I mentioned a low blood count, but he must have noticed a dramatic weight loss. It was an improvement, but a bit unusual. Eventually, I agreed to go to the hospital for tests, and he took me there and picked me up afterwards. Having him sitting there looking white and exhausted was not what I wanted. Then we went down to the GP's surgery to drop in the paperwork. My GP was on holiday, but when I got home, there was a phone call from one of his partners. She said the hospital had faxed the result and she had faxed a request for me to see a surgeon. Thereafter my husband and adult daughter were kept in the loop. I told my sister, who is a doctor, and let her and my daughter feed the family bush telegraph.
From then on, they took it all from me. If I was unconcerned, they were unconcerned. It worked well.
Been staying with my daughter a few days, & planned to return home yesterday. On way to shop realised fog much heavier than seemed through window. Decided I could give myself permission to not travel. Temperature on car thingy minus 1, rural route home no doubt be worse weather.
Well you may think, big deal? But, this a major change for me. Usually nowt stops me when I decided something. Snow drifts, ice,fog, road works,road closures. Just usually go whatever. Even when all sense says "dont".
I dont mean this in a positive way of rising to a challenge & overcoming. Which all sounds positive & a strength.
No, I mean I usually very "driven" & "self punishing".
This style in all aspects of my life, but the driving example a good illistration.
My diagnosis has made me review, like i am sure many others here. My work life feeds into this style of life. When I return to work I want to do it differently. I no idea how. So this is a first step.
This old way definitely helped me achieve things but at such a cost to me in mental & physical health & probably relationships. Their must be another way?? Sound like the bank advert now!LOL.
This permission to not do something felt so right once I made my mind up. Very freeing.
Think I usually view not doing something previously agreed as failure. Even if only agreed it with myself!
I surpose I better keep monitoring when I being too "?" Well I dont even know what to call it? Think I need more practice.
Big thanks for encouragement. You so right. Love picture of dog. Tried 2 times to upload a picture for avatar, but it just go on blog page! Blog asks to upload once downloaded from my computer. But that window not show when in profile screen trying to change from the person shadow image. Wonder what I missing? Dont know if should tick box or not either? Will keep trying. Could click for England me, that full extent of computer skills. click everything until does what want!!?
