Today would have been my dads 50th Birthday he went to sleep 18 days ago (sorry i can't help but count the days....it feels like yesterday and years at the same time) So i got up feeling very strange about today not knowing whether to be sad or to celebrate for him.
I have 3 very young children so we decided to celebrate his special day.
We met Mom, Nan and my bro and sis and we all went to our local park to release…
How on earth do i get through the next 2 days we have been so busy in the week since dad went to sleep but i really don't want monday to arrive, i know i am going to be a mess. Worst of all i have got to get through 'Race for life' tomorrow. I say 'got to' because i promised my dad i would and he wanted me to. I dont think my legs will work. 
Once, in a little pond, in the muddy water under the lily pads, there lived a little water beetle in a community of water beetles. They lived a simple and comfortable life in the pond with few disturbances and interruptions. Once in a while, sadness would come to the community when one of their fellow beetles would climb the stem of a lily pad and would never be seen again. They knew when this happened; their friend was…
A macmillan nurse came out today and she has doubled his doses again and also added steroids to the mix too He is extremely uncomfortable and is virtually bed ridden. The pain is very very bad and i really hope this new dosage works....all he wants is some pain free time to spend with us and enjoy his grandkids. 
I spoke to my auntie today and she was talking as if it was nearly the end.....i don't think it is....my dad…
Dad was in so much pain this morning he had already taken all of his meds which turns out is much more than i was lead to believe. We had to call the hospital and they wanted me to call an ambulance but he refused ... in the end i had to drive him, god every bump in the road went through him like a shockwave it was the worst 20 mins of my life seeing him in that much pain.
Any way the hospital have pretty much tripled…
