Hi Chemo starting next week-Really really scared!

Hi pinkvicki,

I'm so sorry you're having to face this with your dad. You don't sound spoilt and silly, you sound like a daughter who loves her dad very much. My cancer had also spread by the time I was diagnosed, although mine didn't originate in the lung. Like your dad to look at me, other than the bald head from chemo, you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with me.

The chemo may well make your dad feel poorly, that's one of the downsides of chemo. My oncologist explained it to me that the drugs aren't "clever" enough to only attack the bad cells and some good cells get attacked too. That's what makes some (not all) patients feel poorlier whilst having treatment than they did before. Most if not all of these side effects do wear off. I know feel fine except for still feeling a bit more tired than before, my last chemo was at the end of October 2009. If your dad does feel poorly with his treatment please don't assume the worst.

The chemo drugs (regime) that his doctor is advising will determine whether he needs to stay in the hospital for treatment. Some are a combination of drugs that are given over a number of days and very slowly, hence the hospital stay. Some of the drugs can be given as a day patient. Mine for example took about 4 hours in total. The doctors will have advised him if he should be able to drive himself to and from the hospital for treatment. It's probably wise for the first dose to persuade him to allow someone to be a taxi service for him just in case he does feel poorly immediately after.

The "why can't they operate" question I can only answer by telling you what I was told. This may not apply to your dad. I was told that an operation to try to remove the cancer wouldn't affect my life expectancy, in fact could possibly reduce it. My secondaries are in my liver, lungs and bones. The most life threatening to me at the moment are the tumours on my liver. From my school girl biology I know that the liver regenerates but apparently research suggests that if the liver is affected as a result of breast cancer then operating on it is more threatening to my life than leaving it as it is and trying to stabilise it with chemo. As I say, that's why they won't operate on me, it may not be the same for your dad. I suppose I just wanted you to know that if they don't operate it isn't because they've written you off, it could be that it is actually the best option.

I hope that's helped with some of your questions.

Bad Fairy x

Thankyou. badfairy (love that name). Are you doing ok at the moment?

They actually told dad he will not survive the op, which is what i wanted them to explain to me cause they told him (besides the cancer) he is fairly young(49) but very fit and otherwise healthy. Thanks for the explanations on chemo though another member on here tonight has told me chemo is not always worth it ??? Its just scary but i know its dads decision and he will take any options he can if it means he can be with us for longer. Its his 50th in july and we were all going to rent a big house by the sea for this b'day but now i just dont know whether he'll be up to it or not.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to me.

Lots of love and best wishes to you. x

Hi again,

Chemo isn't always worth it .... as you say it's a very personal choice. I can understand why some people feel that for them it isn't worth it. I may well get to that stage too but at the moment I'm not. Like your dad at the moment I'll grab any treatment with both hands if there's the chance it'll give me more time with my family. There may come a day where the choice of limited time but feeling okish and having more chemo which may be one too many for my body to cope with that I choose to not have any more. I don't know. It really is a very personal choice and one of those where people's opinions are likely to change throughout their treatment.

Your plans for your dad's birthday sound lovely. No one can tell you whether he'll be up to it I'm afraid. Personally I like to have something in the future to look forward to, I rarely plan anything more than six months ahead but find having something to aim for helps me to deal with the confused emotions dealing with cancer causes. Have you talked to your dad about your plans or is it meant to be a surprise?

Take care,

Bad Fairy x

P.S. I'm doing ok at the moment thanks! Justgot to keep taking the tablets!!

We spoke about the holiday before his diagnosis but since christmas  we haven't spoken about it. My sister aalso has the dilemma that she is engaged and really wants dad there however she wasn't planning on a wedding for a year or two yet!  Same as having kids she was waiting til after the wedding whereas now she just wants dad to be there for it all, like he was for me. I think we have so many tough decisions, its hard to know what to do for the best- but i can see that having good things to look forward to  will keep dad focused.

Thanks for your advice. xxxxxxxx

Morning pinkvicki - please don't get so despondent now. Agree with Bad Fairy (she does talk a lot of sense)  in that something to look forward to is very good.

It's what has kept my sister going through her chemo (2nd time around). Looking at it one way if chemo was that bad she wouldn't have done it twice. Yes it was hard, but looking at her now you wouldn't think so. Just remember to talk to your dad & family- don't bottle things up & churn them over in your own mind as it doesn't do anybody any good. If you can, then discuss things with your dad & see what he wants to do, but be positive & keep posting on here what you can't always say in the 'solid' world - hope that makes sense.

Jewels x