I know I've been a bit quiet on here recently. A few reasons why.. I find this site too frustrating to get round easily, but that could be because I'm just being a bit thick! Or just plain can't be botherd?
So much has happened since last writing on here,,it all seems so much effort to put into words at the mo.. But since burying great uncle, I'm suprised to say that I've been a bit down.even though I know he had had his life ( being 90yrs old) and I certainly wouldn't want him to have suffered anymore but now I'm left with just looking after mother, which most of you know hasn't been easy for me and I'm ashamed to say that everytime I go to hers I get this overwhelming sense of sadness that she's still here and he isn't.... I miss his kind words, I miss his hugs, I miss his stories.
And all I get from mother is when are you doing this? When are you doing that? When WILl you do this and on and on it goes...I resent her. But yet I'm all she has.
But I'm also baffled...she is absolutely NO different now to how she was when she was first diagnosed...I just don't get it??????
The mac nurses and doctor says ' she's amazing' because she has this strong spirit but I can't admire her because to me she's just plain difficult. I never ever go just to see her, it's always because she wants something, ie curtains changing, carpet shampood, paint her kitchen etc.
Another thing that got to me the other day, years ago she gave me grandmas jug n bowl ( pitcher thing) about 10 years ago....' have you still got grandmas jug n bowl'? 'yes why?' ' can I have it back? You've had it long enough!!!'..
I would never dream of giving something away then asking for it back!
I also heard from a neighbour that she had given uncles Burma Star medal to an old chap in the village and I'm so bloody cross, not the fact that she's given it to an old boy down the road but that she didn't even consider I would want it or my two sons?!!!!
I've had a day curled up on the sofa today because Im full of cough and cold, so nothing's got done because I've had three hot toddies!!
Got the mole man coming tomorow to get rid of the little blighters....they've ruined my garden and I know there will be those who thing they are cute, well you wouldn't think they were so cute if they'd wrecked your garden.so I'm looking forward to him coming!
I'm hoping to go visit my granddaughter Ava soon, I'm missing her cuddles , we have so much fun together especially when we make a den under the kitchen table..ooh I love her.
The FPO ( fun Provention officer) did make a remark about the car needing new tyres befor I went to see her, but I think that's just an excuse so I don't go..!
Hope you don't think I'm too miserable because I'm not really, honest!!
Much love to you all. Oh, time for another hot toddie!! Hic.
FormerMember
Thanks you lovely people, each one of you has made me feel a bit better about things, I've often thought if I was to write a book it really wouldn't be believed. Or a film...can you imagine??? And who would play mother..??
To be fair she's not been to bad this week, probably because she knows I'm not at my best and she doesn't want me to go to see her cos she doesn't want to catch this.
I did have a bit of a scare today..bit of a long story but a couple of years ago I had Bells Palsy. Very frightening but eventually after nearly a year on steroids etc I recovered..well this morning I'd convinced myself it was on its way back..I just had that slight numbness and feeling of pins and needles in the side of my face...so off to the docs I went, I was so worried because last time I lost the use of my eyelid ( couldn't close eye) drooped mouth etc..it was awful. But the doc seems to think my sinuses are quite bad with this cold thing I've got and suggested having some antibiotics to be on the safe side, but that is a bit difficult cos I'm allergic ( and not just a little bit but throat closes and I end up in hospital, I don't do things by half) to penicillin..anyway she's made me promise to call medicom if I think it's getting worse.
So now I'm just hoping the tablets work and I don't get I'll through them!! God I'm bloody useless, it always seems there's some kind of drama in my life..My dad always said trouble followed me, and that's so true!! And I only want a quiet life lol.
So mother has been quite understanding really and I must say its been lovely not going to see her cos this week I think I would have punched her if she started anymore funny business!!
Annie I know what you mean about the lawn, it drives me nuts! Every week we get some other new tool for it, last week it was some attachment that fits on the back of mower to rake and scratch..or some other nonsense he fobs me off with!!
Half the lawn now looks like a mud bath with all the rain and the mole hills spread about, the mole guy was very impressed with my mounds hahah!!
He's coming back tomorow to check on them, the moles !!
I've got over the medal thing cos as you all say my memories are far more important and no one can take those away.
If there's one thing I have learnt from my mother, is how to be a GOOD mother!!! It's the one thing I'm very proud of....and of course a good nana...yay Andy suprised me tonight by asking me if I'd like him to drive me to Derbyshire next weekend for a Ava fix!!!!! Just a quick overnight stay but long enough to have loads of scrummy cuddles. How lucky am I??
Ok folks thank you all so much for being there for me, I won't go missing again..my friends always say they know when something's wrong with me because I go quiet on them! But I'm back on track now ..
Big Love to you all.xxxxxx
Phew glad it's not the bells palsy returned 'cos you've had enough stressful stuff going on without that aswell. Nice to see you back on here and no more going quiet 'cos you know a problem shared is a problem halved (well that's what they say don't think it quite works out that way). We are always here for each other no matter what.
Take care and have a big hug (squish),
Don't know what's happened above i seem to have pressed enter a bit on the enthusiastic side tee hee
