I know I've been a bit quiet on here recently. A few reasons why.. I find this site too frustrating to get round easily, but that could be because I'm just being a bit thick! Or just plain can't be botherd?
So much has happened since last writing on here,,it all seems so much effort to put into words at the mo.. But since burying great uncle, I'm suprised to say that I've been a bit down.even though I know he had had his life ( being 90yrs old) and I certainly wouldn't want him to have suffered anymore but now I'm left with just looking after mother, which most of you know hasn't been easy for me and I'm ashamed to say that everytime I go to hers I get this overwhelming sense of sadness that she's still here and he isn't.... I miss his kind words, I miss his hugs, I miss his stories.
And all I get from mother is when are you doing this? When are you doing that? When WILl you do this and on and on it goes...I resent her. But yet I'm all she has.
But I'm also baffled...she is absolutely NO different now to how she was when she was first diagnosed...I just don't get it??????
The mac nurses and doctor says ' she's amazing' because she has this strong spirit but I can't admire her because to me she's just plain difficult. I never ever go just to see her, it's always because she wants something, ie curtains changing, carpet shampood, paint her kitchen etc.
Another thing that got to me the other day, years ago she gave me grandmas jug n bowl ( pitcher thing) about 10 years ago....' have you still got grandmas jug n bowl'? 'yes why?' ' can I have it back? You've had it long enough!!!'..
I would never dream of giving something away then asking for it back!
I also heard from a neighbour that she had given uncles Burma Star medal to an old chap in the village and I'm so bloody cross, not the fact that she's given it to an old boy down the road but that she didn't even consider I would want it or my two sons?!!!!
I've had a day curled up on the sofa today because Im full of cough and cold, so nothing's got done because I've had three hot toddies!!
Got the mole man coming tomorow to get rid of the little blighters....they've ruined my garden and I know there will be those who thing they are cute, well you wouldn't think they were so cute if they'd wrecked your garden.so I'm looking forward to him coming!
I'm hoping to go visit my granddaughter Ava soon, I'm missing her cuddles , we have so much fun together especially when we make a den under the kitchen table..ooh I love her.
The FPO ( fun Provention officer) did make a remark about the car needing new tyres befor I went to see her, but I think that's just an excuse so I don't go..!
Hope you don't think I'm too miserable because I'm not really, honest!!
Much love to you all. Oh, time for another hot toddie!! Hic.
Hi Mandy it's understandable that you miss your lovely Uncle you had such a warm and loving regulations hip with him that you have not had with your mum.I don't think it's about the length of his life but about the person he was and he seemed to give you what your mum never has.When you used to go to your mums and face the insults and demands uncle was there to take the sting out of it all and perhaps make a difficult situation more bearable.If your mum has always been this way it's no wonder it wears you down and you feel resentment towards her and as you say you are all she has so you would think she would be more appreciative of all you do but to put it bluntly your mum sounds quite self centred.I think it must have been more than hurtful that she gave uncles medal away to someone outside the family and I imagine uncle was very proud of his medal and would have wanted you or your sons to have it.Thank goodness for your little granddaughter and the pleasure she brings and I know you will enjoy seeing her.Hope you manage to sort out your garden visitors think I told you my friends got squirrels in her loft it makes me snigger every time I say that it some how sounds wrong.I hope your soon feeling better keep taking the toddies er I mean the medicine you are not miserable you've had a hectic few months uncle ill and in hospital mother being mother uncles death and arranging a funeral new kitchen and house upside down and so on and so on with little or no time for yourself it's a wonder your not exhausted so cheers and down the hatch big hugs Cruton xxxx
Hope your colds getting better and the hot toddies helped :))
I'm afraid grieving no matter what age our loved one was is bloody awful, as you know my dad died at 78 before Christmas and I miss his voice, cuddles, words of encouragemnt, laughter and love. But i'm afraid it's the stark truth about our mortality staring in our face and we've no choice but to carry on and be strong and brave (can we share the big girl pants)??
With regards to your feelings towards your mum, NO BLOODY WONDER and you honestly do need a saints hat, but again you'll trundle on and get through because quite honestly you have to eh.
So here's a big hug and much love from a fellow grieving daughter xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh Mandy, it's so good to hear from you again. We have missed you. I'm sorry you are still being nagged by Mum, but how great to get to play with little Ava.
How could your mother be so thoughtless about that medal! It belongs in the family where it is of far more value than money can ever buy. Although the old man may treasure it, he won't appreciate it as much as a piece of family history.
Hang on to all those lovely memories of Uncle, no one can take those away from you. Make sure you make plenty of happy memories with Ava.
As for Mum, well, it's difficult to know what to say. She is too demanding of your time and you have other responsibilities now and she must realise that. But you have your duty; it's a pity it's not a pleasure. I had such a different experience when looking after my Mum.
In the meantime we are all here for you, to listen to your problems and always ready with hugs and kind words. We are always here for you, and waiting for news about Ava.
Sending you big hugs and a virtual giant bottle of grog ... er ... medicine,
You don't get medals for being a tireless carer more's the pity, otherwise you'd get one, with a bar denoting "above and beyond the call of duty"! Honestly, that Ma of yours is just about the pits - if she were a character in a tv play you'd say the writer was exaggerating, but no, she's for real. Probably it's the tumour making her so exceptionally demanding & thoughtless but that's no comfort to you.
It's no wonder you've got the lurgy, you must be quite run down by now. I hope the medicinal toddies at least took the edge off it all. And you've got that lovely grand-daughter to play with too, what a treat!
My beloved would go apeshit if any mole even glanced at his "lawn" (hanky size!) so I can understand your annoyance. I just hope the mole man's reasonably humane. Our grass is nursed almost as well as I was when I was ill, every blade inspected, raked for "thatch", fed, snipped at the edges with the apprpriate implement, carefully mowed - you'd think you were in some posh hairdresser's. Thanks to all the rain - and chicken manure pellets, oh the pong - it's a gorgeous shade of green so I must be grateful. I suppose.
Anyway, at least you've had a day or two of peace. Let's hope Ma's in a better mood next visit. (Fat chance?)
I am a bit tired so not going to write much but just wanted to send you a hug cos losing your uncle is sad and your mum is blooooomin hard work!!! You don't want to send the mole catcher round to her do you???
You know how I feel about moles, but your mum on the other hand.......
oh sorry, that is possibly a bit wicked. Could you leave a few mole holes around and...
ooops better stop.
Fun with Ava sounds fun.
Enjoy it and oh look at the time, it must be at least wine o clock and probably gin o clock as well.
Hope the cold gets better soon and sorry about uncle, you must miss him.
