March 12th - bad day

Less than one minute read time.

At the moment I am all over the place. Angry, bitter, sad, upset, lonely, depressed, miserable, scared, forgotten. Of course happy too at times. But it is all very confusing and horrible. Just finding it all very difficult at the moment and I feel so alone.  It's just all weird. I feel like I am drowning. On top of that I find it embarrassing and shameful that I am feeling like this when it is not me who has the cancer. I feel angry at everyone and everything.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Arg Sorry Ebonyo... I am in the UK visiting family, getting visas, renewing passports, IDP's, hubby had a check up with a melanoma expert and all went well.. Sorry I have not been able to reply.. still here in England but saw this... I can't find my message box for the PM on here... I think I must be being very thick!!! How do you get to it and I will read and reply to your pm... I hope you are ok. x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Ebonyo, as hopefully you will see I found the PM's.. was having a technospaz day! Hope all is going better for you...let me know x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Ebonyo, as hopefully you will see I found the PM's.. was having a technospaz day! Hope all is going better for you...let me know x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey Ebonyo, as hopefully you will see I found the PM's.. was having a technospaz day! Hope all is going better for you...let me know x

  • Yes I eventually found them.....I'm hopeless at the minute everything seems to be messed up or an affort!

    Hubby had his rectal resection on April30th...they made him sick even before anaesthetic just trying to get the epidural in (which never worked properly & on one side or the other but neither at the same time)! They left him for 18 hours without proper analgesia...had him sat in a chair 14 hours on day 1, falsified the notes saying he'd been in bed ( come on It was visiting time and I was sat there) He has from day 3 constantly vomitted litres of dark green vile gunk,which we guess is bile.He has wretched that much that although they had taken the drain out at day 3 they have had to have a stoma bag on and changed it 3 times a day to collect the fluid draining off!His potassium levels dropped along with everything ealse & the consultant ordered a tpn (feed bag) to be put through on an i/s....but the nurses decided they knew better & when it was found he also now has a kidney infection & the consultant saw the TPN hadn't gone up all hell broke loose! The nurse yesterday crossed the two i/v's and put the TPN through at the speed that the saline should have gone through in....hence blown vein! ENOUGH I refused to move till they got a doctor & Matron last pm......left at 10.15.........This is just a potted version of the last 2 weeks,He ended up with a colostomy which was his worste nightmare...but the bowel won't wake up properly! They have done a CT scan and no blockages thank goodness so its perseverance & time.All the time he's getting weaker & lower in spirit!I have already spoken PALS & with the list of bad treatment/poor care & negligence we will persue this....but at the minute I truly do not have the strength!

    Hope you enjoyed your visit to the UK and you all got some comfort frm seeing and spending time with loved ones.

    Hugs to you mel

    Lynn