Does anyone else feel like this when they are bereaved?

Oh, Madge, my heart goes out to you.

Yes, everything that you are experiencing is, sadly, very normal. We keep going throughout the illness, death and funeral - and then what?  We find ourselves alone - like you, I wanted my own space at that time, and can completely identify with you there - but the 'aloneness' is totally different from 'loneliness'.

It is very early days for you - how I hated it when people said that to me, but it is very true. we are in shock, even though our husbands were terminally ill and we knew what the outcome would be, it is still a massive emotional, mental and physical shock to the system. Add to the, of course, the total exhaustion, and the dawning reality of our new 'normal', whatever that turns out to be.

I am now 2 years 3months 'down the line' and I can honestly say that day-to -day living gets easier - or maybe we just become more accustomed to the new circumstances in which we find ourselves. Happy memories replace the sad ones, but the aching void in our hearts remains - less raw, but nonetheless still there.

Take baby steps - one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Hang on to your memories, and hang on to his clothes and effects for as long as you need to - there are absolutely no rules other than 'do what is right for you'. There may come a time when you feel ready to move the clothes, or there may not. Keep talking to him - it helps, I still talk to Alan all the time, and he has certainly come in for some tongue-lashing from time to time!!

Remember - you don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Sue xx

Oh bless you love. You will survive because there are people out there to help you.x

Your every waking moment was spent looking after John, consuming every second so you will feel totally lost without him, but time will help. You will learn to cope with your loss and the pain it brings...you will smile and be happy again Madge I promise you.

I remember the hours I spent with my Mum after my Dad passed, my sister-in-law too....the sadness seems never ending at the moment but you will come through it Madge. John wouldnt want you sad and lonely.

Its still too soon love to see clearly, and so what if his clothes are there for the next 10yrs...you tell others a day at a time, listen to your own words. OK so important stuff has to be dealt with but there is no rush for it all to be done in one go.

I want that magic wand to wave over you and just leave you with happiness....I cant find one so am sending you love from the bottom of my heart and a BIG HUG xxxxxx

Thank you so much for your comforting words.  I know all you say is true and there are moments when I feel strong.  Gemma helps me with those because I still have to care for her, bless her.  She misses him just as much as I do.

As you say, one day at a time and I'll get through this.  

I haven't lost a husband but I have cried a river of tears over the loss of other close relatives. Your mention of the smell  of John remaining in his clothes rang a bell with me because of what happened when my father-in-law died. My mother-in-law, despite having had a long and happy marriage, could not wait to get rid of her late husband's possesions and clothes. She asked me to help her and we took virtually everything to a charity shop. I did however persuade her to keep ONE item of his clothing. She kept his dressing gown and admitted later that she felt a great deal of comfort from cuddling  it and smelling him in the fabric. The reason I persuaded her to keep something was because it was how my own mother had been comforted. My mother kept a battered old cardigan belonging to my father and she took it to bed with every night. I hope you find something of John's to help you bear your loss.

Best wishes,

KateG

Hi Madge

I'm going throught he same as you, Kev [passed on the 13th sept. This is the worse time of my life, meeting my husband and marrying him were the happiest times I ve had since being a teenager, we were only together 4 years. I feel as if my world has been torn apart and there's no reason for anything at the mo. I have 2 dogs so they are draggin me out each day. The night Kev passed I was cold and put on his dressing gown so its this that i feel drawn to when i need a cuddle. I wish I could see his face, and hear his voice again and just touch his hand. I long for the day when we'll be together again.

Helen