Kezzerbird...Calling all carers for help

Carol,

So sorry to hear you are going through this.

Carers all have different coping strategies.  All I can say is for me, standing by unable to help relieve the suffering of someone I loved was like going to hell and back several times.

I was often empted to turn to drink in the last months of Gary's illness.  Luckily, I had great support from a GPs and a brilliant councellor.

I cannot begin to imagine the hell you are going through Carol.  Like my Gary,you have been so strong.  

As a carer/partner it so hard to shift from accepting a loved ones determination and independance to live life to the full to the increasing need to give them support.  Gary had so convinced himself that he was invincible that I came to believe it too. Although his behaviour is inexcusable,  I guess it may be the same for your partner.

Can your Mac nurse point him in the direction of any help, either one to one councelling, or a self help group?

Of course you should not have to put up with drunken tirades.  Be sure that any extra help and support is in place for you if you decide that the only option is for your partner to leave.

Hang on in there brave lady.

Daffie xxx

carol hun its best you take a step back from him now hun you dont need the aggrovation and need space away from him men are so selfpitying sometimes isthere nowhere you could go to stay for a while just to rethink and have peace and quiet i know its an awful time but you have to think of yourself not him he isnt the one who needs the love and care he needs a sharp boot up his big alcoholic arse!!!! take care love jen xxxx

Hi Carol

Firstly i will pm you my home number if you want to talk to either me or my wife Chris about coping with things.

I left my last marriage in 2005 after rows which i couldn't handle & saw our young daughter stuck in between our disagreements. Was also told by my wife she didn't need a man in her life anymore which hurt me (i won't say any more on here as it's not right).

I know at the time i was on all sorts of treatment for my Crohn's, Pred/Methotrexate/Infliximab & was not handling things well & also lost my driving lic for medical reasons.

I got no support from the person i really thought would care for me & that hurt more than anything else.

I may come across (like yourself) as a strong person, but i bottle things up.

I can talk to Chris about anything now & she understands when i'm not feeling good.

Please look at how he may not be coping with your illness & treatment, may be scared & think you are wonderwoman who can cope with everything.

You must get some support, if not from him then from others, only you can decide where the future lies with your relationship.

All this is only getting you down, i guessed like others that things have not been quite right from your recent posts.

Stay strong. We are all here for you.

I'll stop whaffling now.

Thank guy for your views and John I know what you are saying mate but who sits on their arse watching their sick partner stuggling to do the housework and who goes to the pub when their partner is wait for an ambulance to come. I was good enough when I was there for him wipping his arse almost because of panic attacks which mysterious disappeared and I was there when he was down to pick him up, maybe it is because now all my energy(and I haven't got much at the mo!!!) is on me fighting the cancer. It is so hard on cares but he has never been there for me in almost 3 years. I just don't need this now my future is looking grim and I have to keep fighting. My Mac nurse has tried to talk to him but he doesn't want to know, he chewed my daughters head off when she tried to talk to him, he has said about getting help but actions speak stronger than words in my book. I am a very strong woman, I was nearly 12 years ago too but I am running out of steam now, if I am coming towards the end of my life then I want some peace and loads of laughter around me not constant grief. Kev now knows where he stands it is up to him but time is limited on wether he does get help. Thanks guys all opions are welcome..much love The Bird xx

Right mate, I think Kev's got two choices:

1. Get his drinking problem sorted or

2. Get the hell out and stop adding extra strain on someone who is fighting tooth and nail just to live.

There, said it, mean it and it might sound harsh but it really does sound like the drinking is more than just a tad out of control now.

You know I loves ya, so love & strength to you my lovely!

Debs xx