Kezzerbird...Calling all carers for help

HI Carol,

I kinda guessed you were having problems.  Is there nobody he woudl listen to, that can help you both.  Can't the mac nurse listen to his problems so he can get them in perspective.   know it is very hard when you feel weak and debilliated to make the effort, but he is sapping what strength you have left.  How about a letter, rather than a slaging match putting the options... he could take it away and study it in his own time and decided where he wants to be - supporting you, or fending for himself in a drunken stupor.

My heart goes out to you, and you have all my prayers.

Love n hugs

Viv

Hi Carol,

OK maybe this will surprise you - but I agree with Dawnief - First yes - we men are the weaker sex ! We have been taught from the youngest age - men don't have emotions - only sissies cry and we are not allowed to say we are hurting inside.

We carry this forward as an ingrained thought and in time we even begin to believe it ourselves - and in  turn pass it on to the next generation.

What ever I say is only an opinion as I do  not either of you well enough to for an educated answer.

The decision that only you can know, is, is he a uncaring drunken Sh** or a very scared and frightened little boy ? - Either way he is of no use to you at  the moment and something needs to be sorted.

Maybe tackle the drinking first - make him seek professional advice, maybe even under the threat of being flung out on his ear. I know its hard but you both need to sit down and talk - when he is sober and try to find the reason for the drinking. To be honest when I was diagnosed I went off the rails for a while - OK I know you are the patient and he has to take on the role of Carer so not quite the same - but honest the reason for my drinking also related to the position I would be placing my family in - I could never of discussed that despite being married for 34 years - male pride maybe or just male stupidity?

I have read a lot of your posts and you always come across as such a strong and capable person so two things if you don't mind.

First for you to post this rant shows the depth of your frustration and hurt.

Second got a hard question for you and maybe its just one to ask yourself. Do you scare him off with your independent self reliant style - Unless you both talk you could be throwing so much away but at the same time I know you are hurting and already have enough to cope with in your life and he needs to step forward - you have nothing to prove - he has everything.

Maybe as others have suggested put all this in a letter and let him study it on his own - he does need to know you tough you are finding things.

Sorry if this sounds like a lecture - not meant that way just my random opinions.

Hugs

J x

Hi Carol,

He dosent love or care for you. If he did then you would come first,not something out of a bottle.

The useless Bastard.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Jackie.xx

Carol I am so sorry you are not getting the love and care you deserve at this very difficult time. You are always there for others. I don't know what to suggest but I think he needs to explore his feelings when he is sober. and if he can't support you any better then he should go.

We are here for you.

Love and strength.

Jen XX

Hi Carol,

So so sorry you are not getting the support from your partner that you need and deserve. Alcohol can so easily become an evil prop for those who cannot face up to what is going on.

Don't forget that, although you may not have the physical support you need you have all the virtual support from those of us here. Take care,

love Kath xx