Been to see my partner again today and i feel so frustrated. We was told yesterday that he will never be able to eat again, but with sheer grim and determination he might be able to learn to sip fluid. Was also told that he should never lie down as he has no control over his tongue and might choke. Went in today to be told he had had to have a blood transfusion last night. He still has the neck drains in and his neck mis still full af staples. Was then told he may be coming home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT????????? He was VERY low today and suffers from bi polar and they want to send him home in that state. He is so very angry with what they have left him with especially as he had told them prior to the op that the cancer was not the issue but quality of life most certainly was. What am i going to do??????? I am so scared, not of my partner , but how to deal with him and the situation. I am right at the end of my tether. My doc has put me on the sick, but what do i do if i need to go out and leave him for half hour. ( anyone who is or knows of someone bi polar will understand what i mean). I informed them at the hospital this afternoon of how my partner was feeling as he wont ( or should i say cant as he cant talk). I rang tonight to see how he was, to be told he is doing really well. When asked how he was with his "low" THEY KNEW NOTHING ABOUT IT. AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any suggestions please.................what do i do next
FormerMember
Hi Kathryn
I'm so sorry, this is just awful for you both and I don't know what to suggest - helpful I know :) Its so frustrating when you had made it clear that quality of life was the priority. I think I would be asking for a case meeting with the multi-disciplinary team, including social care and mental health, and Occ Therapy, I must admit I normally steer clear of them, even thought I work with them - but I know the discharge planning teams can look at support so it might be worth seeing if there is any help they can give you once your husband goes home - eg giving you as the carer some time away even if its a couple a hours. I find it amazing that they want to send him home so quickly - for goodness sake how are you supposed to cope. I'm assuming you don't have any equipment eg a hospital bed so he can sleep sitting up, but Occ Theraphy can advise on that for you just to make life a little easier for you both.
Bloody hell, Kathryn, it all sounds a bit nightmarish to me. No wonder you're upset. Surely they won't send him home on a Saturday? Insist they keep him in until you're had the chance to talk to a few people and set up a support system. Tell them you're not well enough to cope with him on your own. Tell them you're at your wits end. Tell them anything but don't let him come home until something sensible is sorted out. Talk to your GP, social services - anybody! But I think you need to stand very firm that you can't have him home without some help and support for you. What about Macmillan?
Good luck and keep us informed. If I think of anything I'll get back to you.
This sounds a very worrying situation and as though the hospital are just clearing a bed in time for Christmas without thought to what support your partner needs as an individual. Have you spoken to your/ his GP about this? Is he on medication for his bi-polar condition, and is he able to take things now? It feels as though everything is just being hurried along, which might be fine for some patients but obviously here you need a lot more support than you are getting. I understand very much about the Quality of Life issue, as this was a decision that I made myself, and I'm not surprised he is angry about this outcome which has left him predisposed to feel very very downhearted and disempowered. Have you got a Cancer McMillan nurse assigned? I suspect that everything will close up for Christmas, so I hope they are giving you telephone numbers for emergency 24 hour support.
