17 months......and still counting

dear kathryn

i cannot begin to imagine your pain and so sorry no pearls of wisdom from me

but

i will send you a gentle ((hug)) and much love xNx

Hi Kathryn I am sorry that you are feeling so bad.

I am sorry too that I have to tell this! What you are going through now will happen again and again during your life.

Just when you are feeling more normal then wham bang you are reeled back 17mths.

What I can say to you is that each time it happens it won't last as long. You just have to go with it.

People won't understand because for them it is all over with. Jools may not be forgotten but for them the pain of losing him has healed. Their lives weren't destroyed when he passed.

Only someone who has been through it and loved their partner as much as you love Julian would understand.

I am 41/2 years down the line but next month I am to have counselling for the 2nd time. The first time I was too raw to really get my feelings across.

Hopefully this time will be better and then I can move on with my life.

I hope that you can get back on an even keel soon.

Lots of Love Julie X

It's only natural how you are feeling. There are so many triggers - a picture, a TV programme, some music that fires at you unexpectedly. I have always said that given time it will get easier. Someone on this site said it doesn't get easier - just different with which I agree. We all deal with grief in different ways. I have a friend who has just lost his wife and he is OK and then all of a sudden for no apparent reason becomes very maudlin which many in his company don't like or don't understand. My mother died at 52 after a long battle and we were local newsagents which made her illness very public and I resented the intrusion at her funeral. |t was lovely to see the numbers but I felt that I never got any privacy which is why I never intrude and some people take that to be I don't care. Please don't worry about the tears - it's a great pressure release. You will have been to hell and back and to a certain extent are still there. You have made the right call coming on here but you might a professional breavement councillor to help you through it. On the bad days pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again and grab the good days with both hands. Eventually there will be more good days than bad.

Finally, when and if you feel like it,

Keep smiling

love

Drew

X

Hi Kathryn,

I think Julie has summed it up . It will keep coming back every so often and will be painful.

For what its worth, my advice to you would be to contact your DR or District Nurse and see if they can get you an appointment with a grieving Councellor. Its worth a try. All the best and Good Luck.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xxx

All I can do is send you a hug my lovely....love Carol x