not sure how to start

You have all the reason in the World to HOWL Jennie.  You love him, how else do you think you should feel?  What did you just say? Do as you feel, not as people think you should feel.  He is and always will be the love of your life and yes aren't we the lucky ones for having had that chance.

I have sat here day after day, night after night trying to work out how I am going to cope.  I have just realised that I am almost alone already.  And I have also realised that this is coping!  It cannot get any worse than this....seeing our loved ones failing before our very eyes.  

I know that all the girls on our About To blog, who have already lost their soul partners will be reading this and thinking 'boy has she got worse to come' but for me at this moment, it is seeing him without hope and my daughters crumbling and I haven't even given a thought to the grandchildren yet........ I'll leave that thought till later.......

Jenni I wish I could reach out and hug you, or maybe we could all give you a group hug but we cannot.  So we will carry on cybersupporting for as long as we are able, morning, noon and night!

So get in that shower and HOWL then towel yourself down and get on with the next couple of hours.  You are doing the best you can to the best of your ability, well done!

Cherryl xxx

Hi Jenni

Really don't know what to say, all I can do is send you huge hugs.

Angela x

Dear Jenni,

Reading your blog is like reading exactly my story with Hans. All the feelings, not being able to cuddle them because they are so sore. Oh, how I missed being squished in his big strong arms.

The realisation that this is as good as it's likely to get, barring a miracle, is hard to come to terms with, but I have found the human capacity for being so grateful for such little things is surprising.

I came to a point where I almost and I mean almost wished for the end for him. I could see the pain in him and wanted relief for him. That is true love, being able to let them go when the time is right.

I so hope that time is far off for you but you are right you will cope. A lot of us are doing it now and you will too.

Big squeezy hug from me.

Love Grace X

Dear Jenni

Well done for trusting your instincts and doing what is right for you. There is no training for this as Cherryl once said to me and it's true. We all seem to be finding our own way, sometimes muddling through, but all doing what we can for the men in our lives.

I can really identify with the hug scenario. I'm terrified to touch him and that seems to place a barrier between us.

I am so glad they are sorting his pain relief out now and I do hope he's not suffering like he was. Keep going as I know you will and cry as much as you like. Cheryl is spot on - we can at least cyber support each other through these horrible times.

Much love

Claire

Hi Jenni,

You are right to make your own decisions, everyones situation is different, you've probably had good reason to work those hours, but you must be exhausted hun, you can't do it all, you'll make yourself ill, just looking after them is tiring enough both physically and mentally. My brain has ceased to function properly, I can walk into a room and forget what I went in for.

Hugging is out for us too, if I go near him I can see his body tense up, swiftly followed by an apology in case I think he is pushing me away.  I think this is where the carer becomes more prominent than the partner, another piece of our lives taken by this damn disease.

Hopefully we can all help each other through this, it may only be words through cyberspace, but at least we don't feel so alone.

Love and hugs. XX