My chemo failed again, I've had 4 different drugs and no shrinkage to my lung mets. I had v successful surgery on my liver and bowel 18 months ago but the lung mets are increasing. My oncologist has said- v nicely- that I shouldn't bother with any more drugs and should try to enjoy my life. That's a tall order with this hanging over me but I am trying. I just can't get my head around the fact that I won't be here. I am 63 but young at heart and have not had any illness , even having chemo for 15 months has bounced off me. I've just retired and I wanted to enjoy some time with my very loving and supportive husband and this is what is really making me sad. He will have to be on his own - we are soulmates and best friends- and I won't be able to look after him when he is old. It is just not fair but I really don't know how to be, it seems unbearable sometimes.
I know there are people who are less fortunate than I am, some of the young people on this site or those with young children are so brave but I just can't do it right now.
Love to all who are struggling with this terrible disease.
Jen XX
