Feeling sad- what to do?

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

17 Nov 2010

My chemo failed again, I've had 4 different drugs and no shrinkage to my lung mets. I had v successful surgery on my liver and bowel 18 months ago but the lung mets are increasing. My oncologist has said- v nicely- that I shouldn't bother with any more drugs and should try to enjoy my life. That's a tall order with this hanging over me but I am trying. I just can't get my head around the fact that I won't be here. I am 63 but young at heart and have not had any illness , even having chemo for 15 months has bounced off me. I've just retired and I wanted to enjoy some time with my very loving and supportive husband and this is what is really making me sad. He will have to be on his own - we are soulmates and best friends- and I won't be able to look after him when he is old. It is just not fair but I really don't know how to be, it seems unbearable sometimes.

I know there are people who are less fortunate than I am, some of the young people on this site or those with young children are so brave but I just can't do it right now.

Love to all who are struggling with this terrible disease.

Jen XX

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Dear Jen,

I am sorry you are going through this, after all that you've already gone through. I wish there was more I could say. I hope you continue to remain well for a long time.

Wrthfighting4 - what you said to your dad is the kind of stuff that I personally hate hearing. Imagine if you were told you ARE going to get hit by a car AND struck by lightening". You might rush out and pack a load of fun into your life, but always always with the thought in the back of your mind that today could be the day and that thought weighs heavy in the heart of a lot of us.

Marsha x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Ah, wrthfighting4, I've just read your own blog and see that you have been told that you might be hit by a car and struck by lightening. Good luck with the further tests, I really hope they come back clear.

Marsha x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Thank you all for your good wishes. The best I can do at the moment is enjoy today as I know I am here. That much is certain, as for the rest of the days who knows?

Love and strength

Jen XX
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Jules Farr over 13 years ago

Hi Jen, yes for sure and no doubting that there is less fortunate than yourself... doesn't mean what you are feeling isn't relavant and so unfair. Sounds like you have an amazing attitude! Still remain positive, you never know what is possible!! Yes normality, that's what we wish for for Dad every day, so simple, such a simple request isn't it! keep strong Jen you can keep on fighting! My mum and dad also are very close, you know do everything together, I really don't want to think about what may happen... love to you XXOXX Jules
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