Threw my rattle out of my pram on Tuesday when I had a phonecall to say my neutrophils weren't high enough to have chemo on Wednesday. That was supposed to be my halfway mark AND now I won't be finished with chemo by Christmas. I really really hate not being in control!!!
Have lovely friends though - one of them came round with a book called 'super dooper soups' which has recipes for all sorts of predicaments…
Slowly emerging from Zombieland. Why is everything so exhausting? AND I can't seem to get comfortable to sleep. Not so good.
Still, today I feel almost normal, I can concentrate on typing this, so that's a good thing. Still don't think I'll drive today, so will miss out on a nice picknick with friends, but they'll understand. It looks like the chemo demands a week out of life.
Here's a question…
So far so good. Chemo started yesterday and apart from them having trouble with my veins (they didn't want to play) all was ok. Glad I'll have a portacath by the next lot.
Felt a bit sick in the night, but nothing I couldn't cope with. Hope it stays that way!
Chemo will start on Monday. All the checks are done and I will have a portacath in three weeks, too.
I've been reading through some posts and there's a thing I noticed: people keep calling it 'my cancer' or 'your cancer'. Well, the cancer that was removed from my body wasn't 'mine'. It has/had no right to be within my body and I will not take ownership of any cancer. As far as I am concerned, it's the devil's and he…
Now, here's the thing:
I feel good. I am healthy. I can do my placement (which is physically quite demanding) without any problems whatsoever.
The SNB came back all clear.
So why why why would I now go and make myself potentially really ill with chemo and rads and hormones AND herceptin. Usually I'd say 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it...'
Big sigh.
