Will I ever be 'as happy' again...?

Hi Sparklestars,

What a moving tribute to one who sounds live a very wise and caring man. Think you are asking a very difficult question but feel the long term answer will be a Yes. Grief, like any other emotion is so strong, but in time we come to terms with it. You Dad will always Be Your Dad no matter what happens or where he is.

I understand you will feel your world has ended when you finally say goodbye to him and the pain will be hard to deal with, but in time the memories of his final weeks will become less strong, while the happy memories of all the joys you shared for far more years will become stronger and drown out the pain.

Given a free choice you know he would stay forever for you, but he is tired and maybe hurting, but he will live on in your heart forever, remember he is part of you and it sounds like your genes reflect the love he taught you and the care you are showing, in time you will tell others of the most special man you had in your like, and you will be smiling when you tell them.

While any terminal illness is hard to share it does give a chance to say all the things that so often are left unsaid by so many until it's too late. Take advantage of the time, spend what time you can with him, hold his hand and chat if he is up to it, main thing tell him what you have told us please.

I hope his passing is easy and pain free as much as possible. Good Luck to you both and thank you for telling us how special he is and will always be. Remember you never need to be alone, even if you feel you need a break, you are a part of the Mac Family, we do care and understand.

Hugs xx

John x

lcb ((hugs)) thank you

John - thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response.  You are right it does give us 'time' which is a blessing....it would be even more unbearable to have lost him without having the chance to say what we want to say.  I am torn between wondering whether every conversation we have should be so painful and sad as it is now or whether to try and make his remaining time more upbeat and cheerful.  But at least we have that choice I suppose and I will let him lead it.  I have indeed as you say told him all of these things and have been holding his hand, kissing and hugging him more now than ever since I was a small child.  I hope this will be enough to hold me up through the difficult times ahead.  Once again I thank you for the gift of your time and caring.

Sparkle XXX

Hi Sparklestar

Glad if it helped in even a small way, hope life is kind to both of you and does sound as though you have already covered the most important points anyway

John x

Hi Sparklestars

All I can do is send you my love and huge squidgy hugs.  I know what you mean about the shard of ice in the corner of your eye.  My kid brother is terminally ill too and it is forever on my mind no matter what I am doing.

The road we are travelling is hard, cruel and unsympathetic and all we can do is support each other as best we can and look to the people in our lives who do care about us to see us through.

Much love,

Nin xxx